Coping With Anger & More

Feeling hurt is not the same as being angry. Mental health requires neurochemical and metaphysical balance, being genuine, and taking appropriate individual responsibility.

One out of five Americans has an anger management problem. Anger is nature's way of empowering us to "ward off" our perception of an attack or threat. Emotions can also be disingenuous or contrived to control others or avoid real issues. Mismanaged anger and rage is the major cause of conflict in our personal and professional lives. Domestic abuse, road rage, workplace violence, divorce, and addiction are just a few examples of what happens when anger is mismanaged.

Anger usually begins with some emotional hurt, threat or frustration. Adrenaline pumps and heart rate and blood pressure surges as one feels insulted and threatened and tempted to vent wrath--one way that people manage the feeling of being hurt and insulted: usually by loud, cruel, threatening words or physical violence. The problem is not when we are irritated by an insult, which is manageable, but the taking it out on others.

Uncontrolled anger has no place in a family because, to be healthy, a family should be oriented toward love, growth, and support, not revenge and hostility. It is also unhealthy in any business or organization. Although some people claim differently, domestic violence, and workplace violence, is not so much a political problem as it is a psychological problem rooted in an unwillingness to take responsibility for one's own life or situation. Granted, there are some persons, male and female, who out of frustration and misplaced anger will attack anyone, including children, pets, or others without provocation. With or without an external stimulus, anger and violence becomes a sly dance.

There are even some people so good at subtle provocation that they always come off looking like innocent victims. It is a dirty business overall. However, healthy communication is direct, immediate, and clear, and it is a good model for learning healthy assertiveness that respects both emotions and facts.