Resolutions Revisited

In 2009 I resolve to stop yelling at my kids.

That is precisely the New Year's pledge that Marion Budnick broke the first week of the new year. It wasn't that she didn't have positive intentions. It wasn't that she didn't want to end the yelling. It wasn't even that she wasn't sincere about her goal. All of those were firmly in place. Yet something else was missing.

Marion Budnick sincerely wanted to stop yelling at her children, but she had no idea of what to do instead. She knew what she wanted to stop, but she didn't have an appropriate replacement behavior in mind for when she felt like yelling.

Most of us are good at figuring out what we don't want. Yet it is focusing on what we do want that is more likely to attract the desired result into our lives. In 2009, I resolve to talk softly to my children is a resolution that has a greater chance of succeeding. The positive phrasing helps us stay focused on the behavior we want to exhibit and the desired outcome.

Another strategy you can use to increase the chance that your resolution will be kept is to create a plan that details specific "how to" steps you can take to help you achieve your goal. "How to" steps to help yourself speak softly to your children could include:

1. Take three deep breaths before you begin talking.
2. Count to ten before you say anything.
3. Talk to yourself first before you talk to your child. Use positive and encouraging self-talk to create the frame of mind you desire rather than leave that important function to chance.
4. Make a BE choice before you make a DO choice. Purposefully decide how you want to BE when you say or do whatever it is you are going to say or do. Allow your behavior and language to flow from your choice of how you choose to BE.

Examine your 2009 parenting resolution. Use positive phrasing by stating what you do want instead of what you don't. List several strategies that will help you achieve your objective. Then move confidently down the path of uncommon parenting toward improved relationships with your children. Create a wonderful 2009. You deserve it, and so do your children.

-- Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller -
www.uncommon-parenting.com.