CLASSY Parenting: Six Courageous Parenting Strategies to Move Children from Compliance to Partnership
Hall of Fame basketball coach, John Wooden, once exclaimed, “Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” Most know it is true that our lives should model what we desire in our children. It’s consistently “giving them something great to imitate” that many find difficult. When our children act out, it is easy to become brash and unsavory, both qualities we don’t want our children to embody. When your child makes you angry and you feel like you may respond in a way you’d prefer not to, have the courage to be a CLASSY parent instead.
CLASSY parenting is a means to assist our children with partnering with us in their development. Many parents mistake a child’s compliance with successful parenting. Compliance is certainly better than defiance, yet it’s an immature position that typically changes once we leave the room. Instead, move to develop a child’s intrinsic willingness to partner with us so that they do the right thing regardless of who is watching them.
How do we do this? We become CLASSY parents! “CLASSY” is an acronym that focuses more on us than the child. We can only control ourselves. Since children’s brains process data rapidly and learn from it, we want to model our expectations. CLASSY parents give our children something worthy to imitate. Let’s look further:
C – Consistent. Children don’t learn from people they don’t trust. Children tell me more often than I prefer that they don’t trust their parents due to the hypocrisy witnessed at home. Consistency is important because it is the essence of who we are. Children cannot read minds so we must show them our character consistently. This makes us predictable. Predictable adults can be trusted and followed.
L - Low. As in low-toned communication. Take some moments and observe the volume level your children receive communication at home. Between t.v., social media, and video, it’s loud and rapid. Consider your tone. When I have students in my office for discipline, I sometimes told, “All my mom is going to do is scream at me and ground me.” Unfortunately, swaths of parents believe this is helpful. Humans mirror conversational behavior, so we need to speak calmly so our kids reciprocate it. We want to have conversations with our children, not confrontations. Tone level plays a big role in this.
A- Authentic. When authenticity walks through the door, doubt flees the room. When we are authentic with our kids, they see both our flaws and gifts. When we reveal that we can operate appropriately despite our flaws, this shows our children that they too can behave appropriately despite their own shortcomings. They need to practice this skill, and we need to provide them with opportunities. This develops resilience, which strengthens their relationship with us.
S - Slow/Deliberate. Rushed communication doesn’t work with adults, and it definitely doesn’t work with immature minds. Miscommunication often causes problems, and we want to be understood by our children. To be clear is to be kind. This requires us to be slow and deliberate when communicating our expectations.
S – Sculpt. As in “sculpt” or impart our child’s identity. Actions derive from one’s identity. We act based on who we believe we are. Many students believe they are “bad” kids. Unfortunately, many of them get this identity at home. Social media teaches our children that they need to fit into a specific image. This is harmful. You define your child’s identity first, then encourage them to creatively design their image afterwards. We want them to grasp a positive identity. We can assist by sculpting them properly.
Y – Yieldable. Sometimes parents err. Our kids will too. If we are yieldable to healthy self-correction when we are wrong, we demonstrate that humility is both a virtue and can be developed. Being yieldable staves off pride. Pride often causes the stand-offs we have with our children. Child expectations can be delivered with humility and expected accountability, but only if we are yieldable. Partnership with our kids seldom occurs when we say, “Because I’m the parent and I said so.” This only results in compliance.
CLASSY parenting requires courage. It is a deliberate approach that consistent self-awareness. It serves to avoid settling for compliance and moves toward partnership with our children. We want our kids growing safely and wisely, but compliant-only children tend not to when they’re not being watched. This can result in tragedy.
Be consistent, show authenticity, and communicate calmly (low) while offering deliberate (slow) expectations. Sculpt your child’s identity rather than letting someone else do it and admit when you are wrong (yieldable). This allows both parent and child to practice the skill of grace. This is healthy. This takes courage. This is CLASSY.
Dr. Anthony is a cancer-survivor, author, speaker, and thought leader on courageous living. He is the author of Finite Obstacles ~ Infinite Truth. He teaches parents and communities how to overcome challenges, how to choose courage in life challenges with grace and accountability, and by advocating for living based on infinite truth. Rob is a Featured Contributor for national media and a sought-after Speaker. To book Dr. Rob Anthony for your event click here. Learn more at www.DrRobAnthony.com and on LinkedIn.
