Four Elder Care Tips to Save Your Sanity

Caring for an elderly parent or relative rarely occupies the top slot on someone's favorite activity list. Between running a household, watching children and working outside the home, women are traditionally the gender that provides daily care for an aging parent who is recovering from an injury or illness or needs more care contact for other reasons. What can you do to relieve stress and still provide the familiar, loving care your elder relative needs and wants?

Proper Needs Evaluation

Sit down with family and with medical professionals to determine what level of care is proper for the person in question. Ensure all parties involved know whether the patient is in need of housekeeping aid, a daily nurse or around-the-clock attention or a variation or combination of care levels.

Determine what family member is responsible for what task and its timing. Assuming that one person can properly coordinate in-home attention every day without a break is unrealistic, especially when one's own children must be given attention as well.

Evaluate medical plans and medical benefits. Few children are intimately familiar with a parent's medical benefits, whether they are privately funded or through a publicly funded plan like Medicare, Medicaid or even the Veteran's Administration if applicable. Aging patients may be entitled to nursing care through Medicare or housekeeping services periodically and not realize it. Even if the patient is divorced, limited benefits may still be available.

Oftentimes, the aging patient will require a separate bedroom and a bathroom that is nearby. Is that space readily available?

Schedule Time Off

If you are the primary care giver for an aging relative, take time off from this part-time or full-time job, especially if you hold a job outside your home. Simply because this particular job is in a home environment, you are still entitled to “alone time.”

Even something as simple as a few hours with a book at your favorite coffee shop or attending a matinee once a week can do wonders for your stress levels and your sense of identity. Coordinate with others in your family or with a professional caregiver to award yourself this very important mental health benefit.

Understanding the Patient's Mental Needs

Especially in a long-term situation, overprotective attention can undermine the loving interaction that is foundational to your relationship. Give the ailing parent a bit of “space” too. Don't assume he or she cannot spend an hour listening to the radio or an audio book instead of “requiring” your constant presence and attention. Don't leave the elder alone longer than is safe, but don't hover to the point you crowd independence.

This is a very fine line to draw in the sand, so don't hesitate to discuss the situation with the patient's physician or other experts in the elderly care specialty.

Assess Your Own Strengths and Qualifications

Caring for an elder can become tiresome and extremely stressful. Don't accept responsibility for tasks for which you are not fully qualified and with which you are not entirely comfortable. Learning curves exist and often improve, but think of the “what if” scenarios that may unfortunately arise. Two primary areas might include medication administration and legal authority.

You don't need a special license to ensure prescription pills are taken on time and in proper dosage, but scan the requirements: Are injections ever needed? If so, are you legally qualified to give them?

Who has legal authority to make medical decisions for the elderly patient? Who is legally authorized to cash retirement checks and pay bills on the aging patient's behalf? What other Power of Attorney might be needed?

Summary

Few offspring refuse to aid in in-home care of an elder relation or close family member. Ensure you don't accept more responsibility than you can handle, take time for yourself, and know when or how you might need help. Most of all, don't feel too embarrassed to ask for that help. You may be able to accomplish a lot, but no one can do everything all the time.