Help Your Loved One Through Alcohol Treatment to Give Them Their Best Chance at Recovery
Do
- create a self care program
- educate yourself on alcoholism
- make a commitment to help through the process
- avoid shaming
- engage in family therapy and support
- blame, ridicule, judge or criticize
- glorify drinking with funny stories
- help someone just by being the monitor
- avoid talking to people about alcoholism
- forget the final decision to get help is up to the addict
Do create a self care program
There is a strong likelihood that you have given a lot of caring energy and time to deal with the problem of someone in your family that is courageously entering treatment. Now is a very important time for you to gain the strength and energy to take care of yourself as you adjust to your loved one getting help. Create a plan to maintain your own well-being that is supportive, gentle and considerate of your feelings and physical body, so that you have the support you need as you adjust to your loved one getting help.
Do educate yourself on alcoholism
Learning about alcoholism and addiction as a whole, is essential for those that have a family member entering treatment in order to heal. Addiction is a disease, so there are many things that the family should know about before diving into a treatment program. The best way to get that education is through a rehab center that offers family education and support. When looking for a rehab center, explore those that have a family component, meaning they engage with the family in the process of recovery.
Do make a commitment to help through the process
This is one of the most challenging aspects of working with families and individuals addressing substance related disorders. As much as the alcoholic expresses that it is okay for others to drink around them, in actuality it usually isn't. The alcoholic naturally will strive to be less of a burden and will try to convince themselves that they are okay with family drinking around them. Be mindful that your loved one is dependent on alcohol, and remove all alcoholic substances from the home environment. Make a commitment as a family to set boundaries on the disease.
Do avoid shaming
Many family members hope that once a loved one enters treatment, the problem has therefore been addressed and the problem has simply gone away. Relapse is not the goal, but there is a reality that the potential for relapse or complete lapse is likely. In the case of relapsing, the addict will generally be very ashamed, and therefore will be tempted to lie and manipulate to avoid having to deal with these feelings of shame. When your loved one does this, avoid shaming them and instead, be supportive that they will be able to continue their path through recovery.
Do engage in family therapy and support
Families generally have a lot of resentment that go unprocessed and are dealt with when they don't have the support and education about how to deal with the feelings and effects of a loved one going through recovery. Attending Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, group therapy, family therapy, and individual therapy is very important. Make sure you get as much information from the treatment center as you can about family support and attending these types of meetings even after the loved one has been discharged. Often family members will commit to continuing to attend family sessions at rehab, even if the family member has been discharged or has relapsed. Maximize all of your resources so that you can take advantage of all the support systems out there.
Being engaged with the treatment process will help you find out how you and your loved one can overcome the relational patterns that have occurred as a result of alcohol abuse. Also, remember that getting help does not have to be in a high end rehab center, there are plenty of resources for clients to get help in the community that are non-profit and government supported.
Don't
Do not blame, ridicule, judge or criticize
One of the most challenging aspects of having a loved one lost in an addiction is the reality that they have learned to be highly sophisticated "alibi artists" and have most likely lied and manipulated their family members. These lies have probably created a lot of damage, breaking trust and causing overall dissension. This is not a feeling to avoid, but it is also not helpful to channel these feelings through blaming, ridiculing and criticizing. Validate your feelings, but work on decreasing those potential tendencies to project your anger onto the loved one. Though, this is easier said than done, because your anger is justified, it can escalate into making the problem worse.
Do not glorify drinking with funny stories
Alcohol is something that is enjoyed by lots of people who have fun without having a problem. However, once the threshold of fun is broken and the drinking becomes a problem, the whole family is affected even if they are able to drink without letting it get out of hand. Generally, drinking starts with fun, moves to fun with problems, and then all that is left are just the problems. To glorify drinking by story swapping and romanticizing the past partying is destructive and empowers the perception that drinking can and should be enjoyed by the person in recovery. Disempower the perception that drinking is fun by not glorifying the moments of drinking in the past, so that they have an easier time struggling with their addiction.
Do not help someone just by being the monitor
Avoid being the eyeball checker, breath sniffer, and parole officer. It is up the alcoholic to make the decision to stop and it is a daily job psychologically, physically, and otherwise. Your role is to you help your loved one in recovery and let them figure out the ways to deal with the addiction and be their own moral monitor. If your family member comes to you asking for help, try your best to provide the support they need, and then let them work through it on their own. Their survival and relapse prevention skills are about asking for help, but not putting the responsibility on someone else. A big challenge for addicts is learning accountability, and the only way they can do that is through experience.
Do not avoid talking to people about alcoholism
One of the most difficult parts for families to deal with is wondering what other people might think. Whether you are speaking to family or friends, there is a lot of shame that comes with admitting there is a problem. The unfortunate reality is that family might not be comfortable with honesty or discussions related to a drinking problem, and friends may not feel comfortable that they lost their favorite party buddy. The goal here is to learn how to accept, rather than to resist the problem. Once you accept that there is a problem, which tends to come with a lot of sadness, the resistance becomes less difficult. Overtime, the family will slowly demonstrate support and have respect for the person going through recovery.
Do not forget the final decision to get help is up to the addict
Many times it takes a family intervention to address the problem, and there is no firm prediction as to whether or not the intervention will convince that person to enter treatment. Though sometimes as a result of the intervention, the person becomes aware of their problem by learning how their addiction has affected their family. Often it isn’t until they hear it from their friends and family, a therapist, sponsor, or others do they realize that they even had a problem in the first place. The key here is to maintain firm boundaries and not get pulled into rescuing your family member if they haven’t first demonstrated a commitment to get help.
Summary
Substance dependence is an insidious and cunning disease; it affects families on many levels. If your family member is seeking help to overcome an addiction and begin recovery, remember that it is a lifelong process. The experience of clarity and being present for life and not drinking takes time to get use to. However, throughout recovery, everyday they are sober will justify the work that your loved one does to maintain a healthy and clean lifestyle. Be patient, ask for help, and always smile. Educate your family early and keep your cool. It is all going to be okay. Your loved one will have a lot of fun being clean and sober, and you will all learn how to face the problems and obstacles that life presents you with.
