10 Tips to Achieve Balance & Health at Age 50 & Beyond

Chapter 3

Lisa Bahar, MA., LMFT, LPCC

Approaching or turning 50 can be one of those experiences for some women that has feeling of impending doom despite all the insight a woman may have gained through her life. It is a life change that one can prepare for, but not fully understand her experience until it comes, and this can be perplexing as one accepts this transition into her next stage of life which is laced with a sense of loss and yet a purpose of gain.

Acceptance is the first step to allow for new growth and experiences to occur and we are fortunate as women to be living in an age that has finally come to a place that accepts a maturing woman as interesting, intriguing, fascinating and endearing.

The following 10 tips on achieving balance and health at age 50 and beyond are intended to help with this transitional physical, emotional and spiritual process.

I felt very fortunate to be offered this opportunity to contribute to Andy Charalambous book since I am approaching 50 and I have come to be a firm believer you teach best what you need to learn.

Tip 1:
Do your Wisdom work

I was recently reading a New York Times article on Grace Coddington, VOGUEs longtime Creative Director and second in command to VOGUEs Anna Wintor, both women over 50, she said a wonderful quote at the end of the article: "...it wouldn't hurt anyone for that matter, to have a few things going wrong in their life...I mean, I hate to say it, but it teaches you a hell of a lot, you know."

If you have not started to question your life, decisions and really taken a reflective look of where you have been and who you are today, now at 50 and beyond is the time. Do your Wisdom work.

Many women have not taken the time to really reflect on who they have become and where they are, finding themselves stunted in the process of emotional and spiritual growth as their bodies mature and change.

Granted there are distractions from family, work and other commitments, but Wisdom is always present when you are ready to nurture it and generally it is gained when you have really experienced something that called you to make some pretty important choices in life that were not easy to make. Age 50 is generally the time that many women are trying to hold on to what they are inevitably going to be breaking free from whether it is physical appearance, the feeling of being attractive based on looks and the materialism that have an effect on some as making us feel worthy and accepted.

The question is how to begin Wisdom work. Well, this is a hard question to answer, because if you are not ready or want to explore more depths within yourself, then this tip is not going to make sense.

Generally, not always, Wisdom work comes at a point when you have either gone through some level of letting go, mourning, grief or overall acceptance of something that you were reluctant to deal with due to the nature of its meaning to you.What I mean by that is that Wisdom work comes from when you have gone through something and have experienced it as an opportunity to gain insight and understanding than just a problem to endure, it is the very thing that creates the integrity of an individual and character of a woman.

The access point of Wisdom work comes with generally surrounding yourself with spiritual concepts, images, practices, elements that activate the sensory system and physical discipline such as books, people, mediative practice and it does not necessarily mean believing in eastern philosophies.For example, a walk on the beach in the morning before dawn is just as spiritual as sitting in silence watching your thoughts go by, the key here is to become curious of your own inner wisdom, but again, it is on your time whether it be 50 or beyond as to when it is the time to gain that wisdom.

The effects of Wisdom work is less focus on competing, being overly occupied with what others think or are doing, and more inclined to be with the present and learning about life. Some of the characteristics that are noticeable in a woman who has done her Wisdom work is that there is a quiet, strong, graciousness that occurs and an essence about her.

Tip 2: Live in the Moment.

I work with clients teaching what we call Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills, which includes Core Mindfulness skills. The goal of Core Mindfulness skills is to learn how to be in the moment and allow yourself to be fully present to what is.

How to do this, is a discipline and one that sounds great in theory, but one generally needs the "How" skills to live in the now.

I had a good friend to me once say are you a human being or a human doing?" and that made a lot of sense to me when she said this, we tend to get caught up in the doing and forget about the being, therefore core mindfulness skills can provide that skill of how to be in the present and learn to stop the doing.

Part of Core Mindfulness is being aware of your own thoughts especially when you become emotional as part of being in the moment.

As you practice what is called the Observation of thoughts, you will find that you can actually see your thoughts go by and experience and listen to what your emotions are telling you. The return to present becomes natural with practice and you can begin to experience and notice how distracting thoughts rob you of the present moment.

Learning to live in the moment, is imbedded in the natural elements of life, therefore, noticing how you relate to your environment and the sensory experience of it, from smell, taste, touch, vision and hearing, notice how your body responds to these elements.

Through Core Mindfulness you can feel your body as it makes it changes and you can comfort your body as it moves through a process of letting go.

Tip 3:
Have a sense of humor.

A sense of humor about life, is probably one of the best kept secrets of living a long and fruitful life. Ever notice, how comedians seem to live longer, or at least that is my observation. Having a sense of humor is a great gift or tool to develop and have to survive life.

Being able to laugh at how ridiculous this life party is, can be of great help, particularly when you are distressed and it feels like things are pretty bad.

There is something very healing about seeing things from a humorous perspective, looking at life as though it is a tapestry of coincidences and knowing ultimately, how you experience it, or perceive it, is up to you.

I suggest find the humor in life. If there is a God or a Universe that created all of this, it certainly has a sense of humor. Once you start observing from a curious and humorous outlook, it appears that life becomes rather amusing, and it can be rather exciting, wondering what on earth is going to happen next. Look at the bright side? Well, yes, is that easy, no it is not, however, the irony of it all, is that there is a bright side to all things that are happening. If you struggle with humor, animals, small beings can assist in this process, children have a sense of play as do adults.

A good belly laugh is probably one of the most healing experiences a person can have. Start with the little things in life, look at coincidences, watch what others do, people watching is a wonderful experience to get some good giggles in, because we are truly hilarious on how we take all this so seriously.

Tip 4:
Practice Radical Acceptance

Learn how to accept change which is bound to occur, it is hard to believe, but nothing stays the same, you can count on that, the key is to learn how to accept that, even if you don't agree that something changing is for the good.

The first step to change is accept what is now. In the work I do with teaching DBT, this sill is called Radical Acceptance, which suggests that the only way for things to change in terms of your experience is to accept what is happening now which is not to be confused with approving or agreeing what is happening is good or bad.

This is a delicate process, so be gentle with yourself as you validate and honor what it is you are feeling as you graciously let go of your own resistance to perhaps your body changing and emotions experienced as thoughts shift.

When you can Radically Accept was is happening, you will notice that suffering decreases, and this does not have to be about major pivotal life changing experiences, it can be as trivial as traffic on the freeway, people at work annoying you, and the lack of support you felt at home.

Emotional distress is the emotional reactivity in your mind that is consuming your experience, therefore engage some reason and try and access that Wise part of you, that knows there is a way to radically accept what is occurring, and remember acceptance is not agreeing or approving, it is just giving up the fight of resistance.

Tip 5:
Create Balance physically

Nutrition
Mindfully balance and treat the physical aspects of your body with nutritional eating patterns, remembering that nutrition balances the body and neuroses your brain which can decrease the potential for negative emotions to take hold. Avoid foods that make you moody, although moodiness many times is by definition a part of the stage of life we are in, therefore consult get support in this area if you need to, and perhaps consult a registered dietician if you need guidance on balanced eating at age 50 and even beyond.

Mood altering substances
Avoid mood altering drugs and substances, this could include energy drinks, nicotine, sugar and other drugs and alcohol, consult with your physician or dietician to assist you in the process of eliminating these mood altering substances or ways to balance them if possible.

What I have found, is that the word control or balance with these particular issues, indicates that there is a potential problem, however, consult with an expert that can assist you with a care plan that will create balance, health and comfortable longevity.

Sleep
Balance your sleep by maintaining consistency. A lot happens to the body as it rejuvenates when you sleep and a good night's rest helps with maintaining healthy outlooks on life and relationships to yourself and others. Therefore, follow a healthy sleep pattern and consult a sleep expert if you need guidance or help to start getting rejuvenating sleep.

Getting your beauty sleep is key to calmness and ability to manage stress more effectively. Once again as women, we have what may be more physically driven that requires more patience, meaning as our body changes, our sleep patterns also change and therefore, it is important to maintain a healthy well informed approach to sleep, nutrition and exercise to hopefully gain a more balanced sleep schedule. Be patient this may take some to adjust as your body changes.

Exercise
Exercise is essential for the body to feel good, therefore, explore what you enjoy and be reasonable and remember to not overdo it.

If exercise does not come to you as a natural daily regimen and feels more like a punishment, consult with a trainer or someone that can work with you to find what feels like fun but is actually a way to keep fit and healthy.

The irony is that once you become structured and scheduled with your exercise plan, you may find that you are not too happy when you don't exercise. The goal is to maintain consistency and enjoy the aftereffects.

Tip 6:
Create mastery and competence

Try something new everyday, even if it means saying hello to someone or fixing something creates a sense of competence and effectiveness.

As a result confidence is experienced naturally and self esteem is boosted. It is fascinating to see women embrace their ability to problem solve, deal with life's obstacles and the level of engagement that creates this level of self esteem that is attractive.

This does not have to be demonstrated in an overly aggressive or masculine way, but it is demonstrated with balance and effectiveness that is genuine, real and accountable. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.

The key here is to take risks on tasks or situations, that your mind tells you, that you cannot do and you do it anyway and this does not mean situations or tasks that are life threatening or a threat to your wellbeing. Building mastery is the step toward challenging a fear and finding that the fear was not justified. It is breaking free from what you thought was not possible and to be able to face your fears.

Tip 7:
Practice willingness versus willfulness

There are times we will be willful because we feel we are right, and that our point is correct and justifiable, and many times, it is, however, as a result of perhaps having proven our point we are still not happy, and many times this unhappiness is a result of you wanting to prove a point out of willfulness versus experiencing what it is in a willing and surrendering manner.

This is not to be misunderstood as giving up your values or being walked all over, but rather being willing to do the right thing which is guided by the Wise mind within us all. Women have an intuitive sense of being in the world and have a feminine wisdom can guide us to do what we feel is right and for the better and good.

Try and listen to that Wise Mind that tells you that some choices you are making are based on willfulness versus Willingness.

At first, this may feel weak and feeling out of control, but remember, if it is coming from that Wise knowing mind, the feeling will be a sense of calm and knowingness that has little if no rumination as to whether you were being willful or not. Be willing to see things from a variety of perspectives and act in accordance to the wisdom within.

Tip 8:
Communicate your truth

The key with communication is to know what it is you are trying to communicate. Many times there is an assumption that spouse or others know what we are feeling and yet we don't
convey these to them assuming they should know.

Therefore, learning how to effectively communicate even at age 50 or beyond is a skill and a relationship builder. Learning to ask for what you want and to say no to unwanted requests is a challenge for many women; however it is important for self esteem building and relationship tending.

Therefore, learning how to communicate your feelings and opinions in a clear and honest way, is a skill and is essential in terms of loving yourself and sticking to your values, which by the way is very attractive no matter how old you are.

Tip 9:
Be gentle, interested, stick to your values and be kind

Be gentle to yourself and to others and try and help any time you can. Keep in mind that helping to the point of your exhaustion is not the idea of helping.

Take care of your mental and physical health before you commit to taking care of everyone else's, and I say everyone, because as women, mothers, grandmothers, wives, we have a natural tendency to care for others and it comes naturally to us, however, there is a balance involved with taking care of yourself and others.

Tip 10:
Explore the meaning of life and death One of the many areas that human beings feel reluctant to face is their own mortality; explore what death means to you and what your feelings are about it.

This is important to explore, since many times the decisions and choices we make are based on what some may term as "a fear of death" become comfortable, not in a morbid sense, of what we are all bound to face at some point and begin to understand what it means to be alive.

I hope these tips for achieving balance and health at age 50 and beyond were helpful to you. The intention is to create balance in your life and continue building a life worth living. We are fortunate as a woman to be able to experience our maturing in a time that is open, willing and accepting of this inevitable process. I was recently reading a New York Times and saw an advertisement that said "Be a girl with a Mind, A Woman with Attitude and And A Lady with Class."

Enjoy this time in your life, the best has yet to come, but remember to live in the present and smile.

Lisa Bahar, M.A., LMFT, LPCC
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor
Therefore, maintain a structured self care program with time
for yourself is essential to accentuating the gentleness,
interested, valuable and kind woman you are.

These 10 tips can be found in '50 Years Young, Women's Health, Fitness and Life Guide', the new eBook by Andy Charalambous, available on Amazon.com in February 2013