Why Stress-Relief is Not Enough: 3 Things To Do First

We’re busy and we’re exhausted. Life keeps us occupied with work, family, chores and a myriad of other responsibilities. And while we may be physically tired at the end of the day, it is emotional strain that sources our weariness. According to the Mayo Clinic, chronic stress puts our health at risk. Most of us are well-aware of this fact as we work to find ways to unwind and recharge. Unfortunately, whether our strategies of choice are healthy or not so healthy, we can find ourselves trapped in a cycle, never quite achieving the peace we seek as new stressors add to the residual angst of days and weeks prior.

Spending time in activities that bring us release, relaxation and joy will always be important. Yet our ongoing frustration with the external world makes us more tense, more anxious and more tired than we need to be. What if there was a way to protect ourselves, insulate from the inevitable emotional strain and stress we encounter? Is it possible to find a state of being where our stress-relief strategies serve only to take us from good to better?

Thankfully, this does exist. Set your stress-relief strategies aside and focus on these three practices first. 

1. Change Your Expectations: Our expectations for others are the greatest source of daily stress. The problem begins when our expectations, whether for our spouse, our manager or the person taking our coffee order, are not met. We write a story in our heads about why this “bad” behavior is a reflection on us. While it may seem otherwise, the words and behaviors of others have everything to do with them and nothing to do with us. Understanding this truth, what I define Psychological Separation, doesn’t prevent us from feeling hurt or frustration, but it does give us the ability to consciously release our expectations, eliminating the build-up of anger, resentment and stress. What expectations do you carry for the people in your life? What would happen if you no longer held those expectations?

2. Practice Persistent Forgiveness: Forgiveness is not just a nice thing to do, it is absolutely foundational to living an easier and less stressed life. Forgiveness is simply the intentional release of negative emotion. It may sound basic, but when we let go of our negative thoughts and feelings, we are no longer burdened. We are no longer stressed. Notice what you do with your negative thoughts and feelings. Are they mindfully released, or do they hang around becoming part of your emotional backdrop, quickly resurfacing with the next, inevitable frustration?

3. Know You Are Enough: When we refuse to accept our inherent value, our Intrinsic Worth, we become defined by our experiences. When the world feels unfair we take offense, changing the way we feel about ourselves as a result. It is essential to understand that this reaction is not necessary. Our Intrinsic Worth is always present and is not dependent on who we are or what we do. Knowing we are enough is absolutely critical to living a less stressed and easier life. Many of us remain skeptical of our true value. If you struggle to accept your Intrinsic Worth, be willing to move through the resistance. Reflect on the words “I Am Enough” several times each day. Commit to knowing this truth.

Stress is a natural reaction to all of the challenges we face in our external world. Know that these challenges exist for a reason. We are here to learn, to grow and to heal. Without the lessons from all we encounter, this would not be possible. Thankfully, there remain foundational principles that will never let us down. Understanding and practicing these powerful truths offers us endless support and the strength to experience life in an easier and more extraordinary way.

Jenni Carroll, LMFT is an author, thought leader and therapist. Jenni is devoted to teaching foundational spiritual principles that create an easier and more extraordinary life. Her podcast The Jenni Carroll Perspective shares wisdom curated from research and experience along with valuable insight gained from closely supporting others to improve their relationships and their lives. For additional resources visit https://www.jennicarroll.com.