Men have all sorts of ideas in their head about what makes for a great, epic lover that a woman’s going to really remember. And many of these are misconceptions. Men being men, often get their ideas about what women want from men’s magazines or porn - but the problem is that porn is designed for men, not women.
So if you think throwing a woman around in as many different acrobatic positions as possible in one setting is what makes a man a great lover, think again! Most guys also think that women are assessing them based on how great their body is, how ripped their abs look, how good looking they are, how thick their hair is, how big their penis is, how much money they have, and what kind of car they drive. All wrong again.
Those things MAY help get your foot in the door, somewhat, but there are 3 things that most guys aren’t putting enough weight on in the bedroom.
Coming straight from a woman and female dating expert’s mouth, here are the 3 things that are truly most influential in whether women see you as an amazing lover - or a terrible one.
1. Connectivity - Women are actually first and foremost needing to FEEL that strong “connection” with the man that they’re sleeping with. What does that look and feel like? It means that we want you to be present with us. A lot of guys might think, well of course I’m being “present” with her, I’m right with her… Where else would I be?”
But not so fast. Many guys think they’re being present, but half the time they’re actually closing their eyes, imagining in their head another hot woman or their most recent porn scenario, or they’re staring at her different body parts.
That’s not being “present.” Women can feel very disconnected when you do those things, and it can definitely makes for a less enjoyable and fulfilling sexual experience for us. We want you to look into our eyes like you are hungry for us and deeply into us. Not staring at our vaginas or breasts like we’re a porn star. We want you to touch us like you’re mesmerized by us and every part of our body.
And mostly, we want to feel that you’re right there with us and thinking about only us… Not some other fantasy woman.
2. Generosity: This would also seem like a no-brainer, but apparently 8 out of 10 guys still try to “get theirs” as soon as humanly possible and try to get her to put in more of the legwork upfront. But while this may get you some immediate gratification, due to her feeling pressured into it, it’s not going to keep her around and lusting for you long-term. Be generous upfront and you do everything you can to take care of her, show her that you just love pleasing her and having her enjoy herself, and you’ll get her taking care of you tenfold.
There’s nothing sexier to us than a man who is turned on by pleasing us, and there’s nothing brag-worthy about a guy who acts like a pre-pubescent 17-year old frat boy who’s racing to get himself off first.
3. Verbal Foreplay and Affirmation: It’s no secret that women are all about the foreplay. But the verbal foreplay is what REALLY takes a sexual encounter and partner from average to knock-our-socks-off epic. It’s what we think back about and replay over and over again while we’re thinking of you during the week. All those naughty things you whispered in our ear before and during sex. And all the things you said that made us feel like a gorgeous sexual goddess.
Women want to be affirmed, and words stimulate our senses. So focus on noisier before and during the deed. Tell her what you’re going to do to her later, starting at the restaurant. Moan when you’re making out and when something feels good. Whisper in her ear how sexy she looks. Tell her how much you love this or that while she’s doing it, and tell her how great it feels in the moment.
During sexy time, silence is NOT golden. There’s nothing more boring and unmemorable than a muted man. So next time you’re wondering if it’s the 3 pounds of holiday weight that you packed on that’s not getting women hanging off the rafters in bed, rather than focusing on an exterior improvement put these 3 elements to the test instead.