Posts by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

People who struggle with setting boundaries for themselves often struggle with saying "no." Using that word can literally bring up discomfort for them. For this reason, they overcommit, don't end up with any time for themselves and can even be taken advantage of by others. Their friends, family, partners and coworkers can develop unfair expectations of them as the "person who will always be there."...
4/20/2008 7:00:00 AM
This is one of the most painful experiences a couple can endure. Here are a few thoughts on the most helpful ways to get through this horrendous ordeal: 1) Cease the affair (this may seem obvious - but sometimes "obvious" is better off stated) 2) The partner who has been unfaithful be willing to apologize as many times as needed - as sincerely as possible as well. They need to take responsibility for...
4/3/2008 7:00:00 AM
Adult anxiety has many faces, manifestations and levels. The anxiety disorder I've had the most contact with in my experience as a therapist is Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and from here on when I speak of "anxiety" I will be referring to this. I work from a family of origin perspective, in that, I believe that people's emotional and/or psychological distress as adults can partially be the result...
3/10/2008 7:00:00 AM
As a couple's therapist, I've seen a myriad of relationships styles. People who come in for counseling are clearly looking to change something they see problematic in their partnership. The problems range from the relatively benign tweaks in communication to serious pain and trust violations due to infidelity and all sorts of issues in between. Filtering through all of this, I've identified ten characteristics...
3/4/2008 8:00:00 AM
Most simply stated, empathy is the ability to put oneself in another's shoes - and also the willingness to respond to the person's needs. I believe it's one of the most important components of a happy, healthy relationship. Lack of empathy is a very common problem with couples. Many people never learned how to be empathetic from their primary caregivers or weren't modeled empathy by other important...
3/2/2008 8:00:00 AM
If there's one thing that we all seek - it's happiness. I've never met a person who has told me they didn't want to be happy, have you? When I do individual therapy, I have the opportunity to sit down with people as they present their concerns to me - whatever they may be. They usually seek therapy because they're experiencing some level of emotional distress - and are fundamentally unhappy. I've noticed...
2/27/2008 8:00:00 AM
In this fast-paced, dog-eat-dog world we live in, super-achievers often find themselves at the top of the heap in their professions. They're the ones who eat, breathe and sleep their jobs, race out of the house, briefcase and PDA in hand, occasionally a quick kiss to the spouse and kid on the way out. They're laser focused; often appearing completely in control and on top of the world. Whether it's...
2/27/2008 8:00:00 AM