Five Qualities Men Find Irresistible in a Woman

If you asked 100 men what they look for in a woman, you may get 109 different answers. Some men like brunettes. Some like gracious women. Some like bold women. And we tend to think that all men prefer conventionally beautiful women. Yet if you ask a man who's currently in a relationship what's important in a mate, an important trend emerges.

It turns out that being in a relationship with a woman who's beautiful doesn't usually mean much to a man. Especially if she's rude, selfish, or demanding. Too easily we can forget that people are attracted to who we are and not just what we look like. Good looks may catch his attention initially (and even then, it may not be required), but who you are inside is what will make or break the relationship.

Here are 5 qualities that inspire someone to stay devoted — (And therefore, five qualities it would behoove us all to look for in a mate.)


If there's one trait that we should all value more than anything else, it's honesty. That may seem awfully boring, but it's actually huge. Honesty means more than most people realize. Look at it this way: the person we are going to give our hearts to is going to have a tremendous amount of power. And this is especially true if you marry. So being honest, and looking for honesty, is number one.

Trust is the most valuable gift in any relationship. If one partner is dishonest, it will make the other question whether they can confide in and depend on the other. Telling the truth may sometimes be uncomfortable and at other times may be seemingly impossible, but showing your man that he can trust you to be honest with him (and asking for the same in return) will work wonders for your relationship.


"Patience is a virtue." Is probably true. Patience is one important, and often overlooked key to a lasting relationship. But what exactly does it mean to be patient, anyway?

If you and your man get into a disagreement, stop and ask yourselves this question: "Is this worth fighting about?" If it is, then work together toward a mutual solution. But if it's not, be patient with each other, hold your tongues, and move on. The little things are worth letting go.

Be accepting of your partner — within reason — never tolerate abuse. Respect goes a long way.


People, in general, can't resist those who are truly kindhearted. This means so much more than simply being nice. People often measure kindness by how you act when they've done something wrong and are genuinely sorry. For example, say your partner missed an important event. He forgot and is genuinely sorry. Do you forgive him and move on or do you hold a grudge and purposefully "miss" an event that is important to him?

When your partner is feeling vulnerable, do you stick it to them or are you gracious? It's possible to accept apologies while conveying how actions hurt you. If your partner is feeling vulnerable, and you don't take advantage of it, they're more likely to feel attracted to you and safe with you. People want a partner who is genuinely kind and will stick by their side when things get tough. If you can be that woman, he'll never let you go.

Believe in Him

There's nothing much sexier than a person who truly believes you. In fact, research shows that if you believe in someone's dreams, they'll naturally be more attracted to you. What does this mean? You don't have to show a burning passion for each of your partner's goals and hobbies in life. For sure you don't have to take up an interest in Fantasy Football or golf tournaments! However, if you tell someone that you believe they can accomplish anything their heart desires, you might just turn them on in magical ways.

A goal may sound a bit outlandish to you, but if that's someone's passion, encourage them to do it. When you believe in someone, the dream feels real to them. It suddenly feels attainable, supported. We all want to feel as though someone believes in us, and if you do that, you'll be lifting him up, and making him love you all the more. 

Healthy Self-Esteem

Here's a secret that we all need to hear — people are drawn to confidence. What's more, those we interact with actually want us to view ourselves as women of exceptional value. Don't mistake this for a condescending and aloof manner — but valuing yourself is sexy.

People who know they are valuable are, above all, happy with themselves. This acceptance of themselves frees them from the dreaded belief that, "If only I were  better/taller/richer/thinner — then someone would love me." Developing confidence is like learning any new habit — repetition, consistency, and boldness wins the day.

If you feel you're lacking any of these qualities the good news is you can cultivate each of them. The secret is to understand a principle that can transform your life. Here it is - What you do is more important than what you look like. Here's what it means. If you'll begin practicing the trait you want to acquire, initially, it will feel strange. Given consistency, these new qualities will become a part of you and the people in your life, intimate partners and otherwise, will find themselves wanting to be around you.

Bob Grant, L.P.C. is the author of the bestselling book, "The Woman Men Adore...and Never Want To Leave." For over 20 years his unique insights have helped thousands of singles and couples experience the relationship they have always wanted. Learn about these secrets by visiting him at

10/15/2020 7:00:00 AM
Bob Grant
Written by Bob Grant
Bob Grant, L.P.C. is the author of the bestselling relationship book, “The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want To Leave.” For the past 20 years he has provided unique and powerful insights for thousands of men and women in over 50 different countries.
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For about the last 10 years or so I have been having a few of the problems mentioned in the article : never could figure out why , or what was causing it. Then I happened across this article which seemed to make everything so very clear for me. I want to thank the person who wrote this article and did any/all the research for the article. If it weren't for you I may have ended up spending a bunch of money unnecessarily on gynaecologist. So Thank You So Very Much for all your time with the research and putting the article together plus putting it out there for everyone to see. This is info we women need to know but the Drs. refuse to share with us patients. The system is very flawed and needs to be fixed but as long as politician \ Democrats can have any say in this the system will continue to screwed up. The Democrats do not have the best interests of anybody in mind, they only have their own interest and agenda in mind. Meaning if they can't profit from it and or make everyone else suffer it isn't worth making a law or whatever they want to call it. In other words the Democrats are a very dangerous group of people to everyone and this country plus anyone who we have dealing with.
Posted by Rose West
Take a long hard look at mom. You get what you see
Posted by Dan
My wife possesses to a greater or lesser extent all those qualities except a healthy self-esteem. She has been painfully insecure all her life. We've been married since 1975, and I must confess that putting up with her insecurity and all its consequences has often tempted me to leave her
Posted by herman
The one thing most people incorrectly think is that marriage is 50/50. If you want it to last, it has to be 100/100. You each need to be 100% committed to each other and your relationship. You both need to encourage and compliment each other daily and tell each other you love them DAILY! We've been married for almost 36 years and no, it hasn't always be easy, but we have always been committed to each other and to working out our differences. Our marriage is now better than ever, and yes, we're still learning about each other each and every day. That's what keeps our love alive--it could get stale if we were stale and never changed. Always give your spouse 100% and if he/she does the same, your marriage will make it.
Posted by Lisa
I totally agree but correct me if i am wrong but i only count four qualities not five qualities that the title says.
Posted by spencer
I was & did everything in Bob's article. But after 28 years of marriage, my husband still felt the need to have an affair with a coworker. Im going thru a second round of DivorceCare sessions. It is a lifesaver & a life changer for anyone going through the scattered world of divorce. Please excuse my spelling, Im on my tiny cell. If interested: www.divorceCare. Org.
Posted by Petra
There are as many ways to view this as there are people, but the point of the book is taking things from a man's perspective, not a woman's. Those were merely things men find attractive and increase the probability they will stay committed to a relationship. I have my own perspective on the issue and might interpret those feature differently. One item that could combine a couple of those traits might be taking him seriously. Too many men take themselves unnecessarily seriously, but standing by him might mean just that. A second item, and my experience with hundreds of families, broken and intact, might be maintaining a sense of humor. For both partners. Notice how attractive a woman at a gathering becomes when you hear her laugh. As obnoxious as her laugh might be, men turn toward her. Too many of us lose the ability to laugh, especially at ourselves . How far off base am I?
Posted by Larry K
I dont think you realize just how selfish, greedy, materialistic, idiotic, unrealistic, and self-absorbed, and irresponsible lots of men are these days. If left to their own devices lots of them would do damage either to themselves or the rest of society. Women cant just be "cheerleading" in order to keep a man interested in staying. Women certainly dont get any cheerleading from most men in relationships. They are more likely to be deserted when they start to prosper because of envy. Men get encouragement from everywhere imaginable. Their mothers, friends, media, mythology, just seeing other men running everything already. What more do they need?
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