Love in the Time of Facebook (Part 1)

We all are aware of the phenomenon of Facebook...but do you think you are the only couple facing the plague it has brought upon American couples? As a couples' counselor I have witnessed the devastation. Let me tell you a little bit about it.

5 of 8 couples I sit down with these days have a Facebook story to tell. It probably sounds a little bit like yours. Your partner, whom you never thought would cheat, has had a flirtation...with a childhood sweetheart, with a friend of a friend, with a brand new person who seemed to validate him or her when you didn't. And when you have broken into their account you are amazed, dazzled, confused and just a little bit angry. Or perhaps they haven't or couldn't break into your account (yet) and you are suffering the guilt of one who knows they haven't quite done anything wrong (yet) but in about 2 minutes you are going somewhere your partner could REALLY have an issue with.

So what is the new normal? When is friending cheating?

I am going to ask you...and I want you to reply to me....but here are my ideas about Love in the Time of Facebook.

If you examine your motives and find you are getting something from your new friend that your partner doesn't give you. Instead of asking your partner for that interest, that curiosity or that discussion, you are asking your new friend on Facebook. When you are chatting about the inadequacies of your mate or giggling together about your mutual problems with your mates, when you look at your partner and wish you could look at that friend of a friend right now instead When there is the possibility you could meet...catch up on old times, have a drink and a laugh (no foul, no harm),...these are the signs that a line has been crossed.

It is fine when you are making the connection, but it is so not when it is happening to you! So, take heed dear couples, Love in the Time Facebook is not to be taken lightly...let me remind you I charge a hefty fee to bring you guys back from these debacles...and these days The Facebook fallout business is booming! Better you should review the rules of the Facebook game with your partner before you friend another soul...ask each other what is acceptable and what is not. And if there are any questions or concerns...ask ahead of time before you are too far in.

And if the boundaries aren't clear...ask me...

I hope this helps, and as always, I am here to help.

Please send your comments and questions for further blog discussion to me and we can debate together the new normal...