Couples Counseling:Earlier Intervention!

I think one of the most unfortunate phenomenons concerning couples counseling is that partners wait way too long before deciding to get treatment. The truth is that whenever two people are committed to putting their lives on one track there are going to be some major or minor difficulties. Instead of folks deciding to connect to a unbiased third party they speak with friends and relatives and start polling people they either know together or individually for advice. Invariably, there are prejudices that start to emerge as your friends and relatives all have their own agendas, histories, injuries, etc. that will be projected upon you and your relationship. So as the information starts to come back to you it can often be very dangerous for a developing or even mature relationship. Although people do not mean to take sides it is very difficult to remain unbiased when they see you in pain from your relationship...and so advice that may be given comes from an emotional place rather then a fair and just analysis of what is happening in your relationship.

Another tremendous problem that arises when speaking to loved ones about problems in your relationship is this.... if you two are able to work things out, if and when you decide to forgive your partner, your other loved ones often do not! So often couples come to me and this specific damage has already been done. And, the problems in the relationship have not been worked out yet! But now there is an added problematic schema....animosity among family members and/or friends, grudges being held, towards your partner whom you have chosen to work it out with....because you still care deeply for that person. So extra pressure is added to an already difficult situation. And now you are defending the person you love to the people you divulged your relationship problems to!

So, please heed this warning and use a therapist before beginning to ask and get opinions from people close to you. Often treatment can be as simple as one session to get through a small rough patch. Sometimes, a little more time and treatment is is necessary. I am always so sad for couples that have let things go so very far unnecessarily. The injuries have just piled up and , although we work like heck to get things on track, there can be that place that is too difficult to return from as a couple...and sometimes the pressure from relatives and friends who have formed negative opinions about your relationship accelerates that process. Okay, so you get it? Come to counseling sooner rather then later and I promise the odds of working things are greatly enhanced.

Hope this was helpful...and ,as always, I am here to help.....