Premarital counseling questions - What to discuss

What questions will the counselor ask when you go for premarital counseling? Will they be personal questions? Will they be difficult questions? Will they be embarrassing questions?

A counselor could ask any type of premarital counseling questions, but most of the time he/she will ask those questions that will help you prepare for marriage.

The following areas should be addressed when premarital counseling questions are asked:

* Communication
* Conflict Resolution
* Expectations in Marriage
* Personality Points
* Finances
* Sexual Expectations
* Children and Parenting
* Spirituality
* Roles in Marriage
* Leisure Activities

Premarital counseling questions in communication

* When a problem arises, how does my partner communicate?
* I could use more or less talking from my partner and how specifically?
* How is my partner a good listener or not?

Premarital counseling questions in conflict resolution

* How does your partner settle an argument?
* Do you feel understood when you have an argument with your partner?
* When you think about your conflict, how often does it seem like nothing ever gets resolved?

Premarital counseling questions in marital expectations

* Is this person the only one with whom you could be happy and what happens if he/she passes away?
* Is your partner responsible for your happiness and, if he/she is, how will he/she do that?
* What, if anything, needs to change in your partner and what will happen if he/she cannot change?

Premarital counseling questions in personality issues

* What kind of temper/mood does your partner have and can you live with it?
* Are there some habits that you partner has that you don't like?
* What are some things that your partner does that embarrasses you and what will happen if they do not change?

Premarital counseling questions in finances

* How exactly have you discussed your financial situation?
* Does my partner have some debt that concerns me?
* Who will make the decisions and what decisions will be made after marriage?

Premarital counseling questions in sexual expectations

* Are you comfortable talking about sexuality with your partner?
* Do you feel like your partner gives you the affection you feel you need?
* Does your partner sometimes use sex as a weapon or as a way to manipulate you?

Premarital counseling questions in children and parenting

* What are the responsibilities of each parent in raising a child?
* How many children will we have?
* How did your family raise you and your other brothers and sisters?

Premarital counseling questions in spirituality

* How will we specifically exercise our spiritual beliefs, if at all?
* Will we share our spiritual beliefs with our children or with others?
* How can spirituality help our relationship to grow?

Premarital counseling questions roles in marriage

* Who will do what around the house
* What adjustments will each make to accommodate the other after marriage?
* Who will have a more persuasive voice, if so, and in what area(s)?

Premarital counseling questions leisure activities

* Do we enjoy the same activities and what are those that we enjoy the most?
* Am I happy with the amount of leisure time we spend together?
* Is your partner more social than you and does he/she seem to need this interaction more than you?

These areas should be addressed by your counselor. If he/she does not bring them up, you should.

Some of these questions were adapted from Brady B. Forman's "Discussion Guide for Prepare/Enrich."