Marriage Problems are Not What They Seem

Fear is one of the greatest killers of happiness. If we allow an idea or negative feeling to take hold in our mind, it can grow far beyond the actual threat. Fear can turn an ordinary man across the street into a killer just waiting for his opportunity to ambush you. Watching TV stimulates the imagination into negative streams of thought. The 6 o'clock news makes the world look like a very dangerous place. We forget they gather the news from the four corners of the world in order to grab our attention. We rarely see or hear of extreme acts of kindness or heroism on the news. And we don't consider that out of six billion people in the world, they are only able to fill a few minutes of the day with news of atrocities and violence. The world is much safer than we are led to believe.

Your marriage is also much safer than it may appear to be. Despite the television programming and popular movies, people's lives are more natural and day to day than we imagine. Most men in the world do not want to cheat on their wives. Most women in the world really do want to have a wonderful family. But our memories are filled with what we see and hear from the media. So we're tainted, suspicious and fearful.

I met with many couples who had completely false notions about their spouse's intentions and behavior. Nearly everyone I met with was convinced their spouse was untrustworthy and untruthful. When I questioned them they realized they had exaggerated little incidents into huge dramas that scared them into very defensive postures. Most of the people I met with were very relieved when they discovered their spouses were actually really good people - the same ones they married.

Trust and love your spouse. You have so much to gain by giving them your trust and love. You are in it together. Make your marriage a sacred space. Never forget to tell them, "I love you."