The High Cost of Ignoring Your Intuition

Cindy met Bill through her tennis club. He was charming, good-looking, and he swept her off her feet in a whirlwind courtship. Pushing for a quick marriage, he proposed after only two months. Though she felt a few flutters of anxiety, Cindy accepted, hoping for true love. Six months later, she deeply regretted the haste. Bill turned out to be both alcoholic and verbally abusive, with the threat of physical abuse lurking in the volatile atmosphere. Frightened, she moved out and filed for divorce. Later, she reflected on how she had gotten herself to such a painful place.

Something deep inside Cindy had sent up warning flares, telling her that she was moving too fast. But she'd plunged ahead, repressing her own better judgment, which was trying to get her to slow down. Why had she ignored the signals?

"I was afraid that if I told him I wanted to slow down, he might lose interest. He was so passionate, so full of life, and I felt so flattered that this great looking guy wanted me. All the women liked him. It wasn't hard to imagine that he might drop me and move on to someone more willing."

The high cost of ignoring your own signals? High-risk relationships, the likelihood of divorce and a whole lot of emotional anguish. But most of all, the cost is to your own self-esteem, because the bottom line is that you let yourself down. You failed at your most basic job in life: taking care of you.

These days, Cindy is reluctant to accept even the most seemingly safe dates. She doesn't trust herself, fearful of repeating the past and making another disastrous mistake. Self-forgiveness is the hardest when we know we didn't protect ourselves.

The lesson is simple: never let your desire for a particular person override your common sense. There is always someone else out there who could be a much better fit for you; don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise - this is such an important thing to remember. When your gut is screaming at you, listen, honor what it is telling you, and proceed with caution. And this goes for any area of your life, not just relationships - trust your intuition, go with your gut. Take care of yourself first!

9/7/2019 7:00:00 AM
Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singles Coach, Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a licensed therapist with over 20 years in private practice. Nina launched the world’s first educational resource on the internet for singles, Singlescoach®, in 1996, simultaneously with the publication of her first book, Be Your Own Dating Service. Since then, she’s establi...
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Comments
I believe intuition is whispers from the soul guiding us.
Posted by george.hall7@xtra.co.nz
Listening to our gut. Timeless words of wisdom. So very true.
Posted by Linda Spreeman
Great Article. Good replies that followed. If there is one thing in life more than anything the human heart both needs and desires is to love and be loved.
However your God given intuition is there to warn you that something is wrong.
Fear is the tell tale warning sign to take things very slow. Many people don't share who they are or what they want from you right away. It is true like our previous comment by Charles and Others said that they met there true love and knew right away. It's truly a beautiful thing to have happen to anyone and it's possible and does happen but clearly not to everyone.
When we have strong feelings for someone for many of us we need to use our head and hearts and to discern whether or not this is the right person for us. Many men are handsome and many women are beautiful, but their values, and world view maybe very different. There may also be issues of repressed anger or an addiction someone can hide. Bottom line is if something doesn't feel right to you, don't ignore your deepest feelings and intuition about a person or a situation.
It's always best to take your time to get to know someone and don't be in a rush to get to the alter or to tie the knot.
If there are minor disputes or disagreements that's pretty normal with every relationship.
What's not is when you feel forced into doing what someone wants especially when it involves money or expensive gifts. He's where you need to give yourself time and pray about it first and if it seems unclear why this person needs or wants something, ask questions like: what do you value most about our relationship? Ask your self, do we both want the same things in life? Do we both value the same things in life? Are there any major concerns? Addictions, unresolved anger, commitment issues, financial problems. These are all issues that should be discussed and addressed before becoming serious with someone.
Unconditional love is possible when it is reciprocal. Mutual self donation is vital to all relationship. Of course without saying there also needs to be trust, honesty, loyalty, fidelity and mutual respect and a sense of equality by both partners.
Don't ignore warning signs, God put them there for a reason.
Trust takes time to build and it takes time to get to know someone also. The only person you can change in a relationship is yourself. Personal growth and emotional intelligence are key. Know who you are and what you want and need to feel loved and accepting. Love and accept yourself first for who you are.
Be comfortable with who you are and don't let others change who you are, but also allow yourself space to be flexible and be open to change if it feels right. Being a good listener allows us to understand each other better. Be patient with yourself and with others. Forgive mistakes and misunderstandings. Be humble, but don't be a doormat for someone. Respect yourself and others will respect you also.
Finding the right life partner for most of us requires much time, personal growth and at times great sacrifice, but when both partners share a mutual love and commitment to each other, it can be the most rewarding and the most beautiful life we could live. To share your life with someone your trust and love unconditionally is truly what life is all about.
Posted by Frank
My wife and I met at a country dance club, as soon. As I saw her walk in the door I knew I'd marry her, 2 days after we met I had to ship out to my new duty station in Oklahoma leaving her in California. Well 7 days after we met I asked her to Marry me over the phone yes that's 9 days after we met. We have been happily married now for 22 years we have 6 children together 3 boys 3 girls and are planning on another. Yes we have had some difficulties over the years but what healthy marriage hasn't.
Posted by Charles
I met my husband on April the 1st we married on May the 29th we just celebrated our 45th anniversary sometimes you can go with your gut feelings and love turns out just fine.
Posted by Ellen
I have had a similar experience. I trusted so much, that now I would know the person I trust the most would be the person I should trust the least.
Posted by Judy Chartrand
This article couldn't be more timely! I was dating a guy for a couple of months. Near the beginning he wanted an exclusive relationship. I didn't feel good about that. I felt he was really pushing hard for something that I wasn't ready to commit to. He was the first person that I dated since my divorce. It felt so good to be cared for and to have someone to do things with that I agreed. I was not seeing anyone else or interested in anyone else, but I had this uncomfortable feeling of being corned into a serious relationship. He professed his love early on and the words felt great to hear. Well after a couple of months we had our first disagreement. He couldn't handle that I needed a few days to myself and he ended up breaking off the relationship. I dread thinking of what of may lay ahead. He had a tendency to jealous and very distrusting. Next time I will be truer to my intuition.
Posted by Jaya
I have been ignoring my intuition for many years and ended up being diagnosed bipolar, to this day I let other's make decisions for me based upon this dianoses and I feel like I'm dying inside and the truth of the matter is they usually end up being wrong and I bite my tongue not to say I told you so. However, I know it's my own fault for living my life on default and ignoring my intuition, when I trust my intuition my life seems to run much smoother and then in the long run I have nobody to blame but myself and that I can live with. Good topic.
Posted by Gracie

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