4 Ways Courageous Mom’s Respect the Shadow: Love Yourself into the Light

Bringing reverent balance to all your parts, requires mom’s to respect their shadow aspects and to love them into the light. Mom’s have a tendency to sacrifice, to hide, to abandon their own needs and dreams, as they are busy caring for everyone else. Over time, shadow aspects of our personality can rear their heads in all kinds of different ways. These buzz killers can show up as self-doubt, criticism, gossip, the mean girl, judge Judy, Tonya the tyrant and the like.

These are the aspects of all of us that were born as a strategy of protection. These are the parts of our personality that didn’t get to work through their true feelings at the time, because it may not have seemed appropriate to express these unattractive and undesirable parts of ourselves. Instead, we stuffed them way back in the closet, tried to keep them hidden while mama just kept pushing onward taking care of everyone else.  

As more mom’s begin to walk a path of consciousness, bringing higher awareness to the idea that loving all of our sweet and sour parts is the key to experiencing wholeness, doing so gives moms the opportunity to relate differently to themselves working with these shadow aspects of their personality.

So, what can mom’s do to diffuse the power of the shadow that shows up in unwanted and problematic ways? How can we bring these less attractive parts into balance without alienating them further and simultaneously diffuse stress, exhaustion, over-giving, and feelings of not-enough-ness?

1. Be Honest. This not-so-pretty “part” is still one of your parts. And, hey guess what? Everyone on the planet has these shadow aspects. It’s the people who can be honest with themselves and lovingly work with these disconnected parts who live a more conscious and balanced life filled with fulfilment and joy. So, get honest with yourself and put a name to this ‘shadowey’ part.

1. Befriend the “part”. Begin a dialog with this aspect of yourself. Ask her, “What do you need?” What are you trying to teach me?” “What do I need to know about you?” “When do you show up and why?” This act of courage can take place as a journaling activity where you write down the questions in your journal and let that part speak directly by answering you back in the first person. Upon reflection, you may discover this “part” was formed as a way to protect you. This “part” of you has valuable information that you need to acknowledge for healthy balance inside yourself. What does she want you to be aware of?

1. Demonstrate love and compassion for that “part.” Just like your child when they are feeling hurt, angry or upset, nothing sooths the pain as well as mama’s loving compassion and mama’s tender acceptance. Can you do this for yourself? Allow your Higher Self, that wisdom filled part of you that is made of Love and Light, to do the work. Think of it like self-parenting. When you begin to understand this “part” with more curiosity and demonstrate your understanding, acceptance, and compassion, this “part” of you can begin to relax, to feel safe, to feel seen and heard. This is the secret sauce to loving this “part” into the light. This step is how healing happens.

1. Move into reverent balance internally. By loving all of your parts you bring a sense of inner stability to your consciousness. You come into the middle which is a place of neutrality and equanimity. You step out of the polarity of right and wrong and stop invalidating yourself for the “parts” that sometimes act out as a way to get your love and attention.

Relating to all of your parts with love and compassion is how to graciously strengthen the relationship you have with yourself with reverence and respect. It’s this act that returns you to a balanced way of being.

Donna Bond, M.A. is a spiritual life and business coach, author, and thought leader. After a 28-year long run as a corporate marketing executive who “had it all”, she decided to change course and get a master’s in Spiritual Psychology. Donna helps people to live with reverence by activating their entelechy - the fullest realized expression of who they came here to be, from the inside out. She and her husband, award-winning oil painter Paul Bond, live part time in Southern California and Costa Rica. You can learn more about her transformative 1:1 coaching, group classes, and workshops at https://donnabond.com