3 Keys to Deeper Connection in Marriage

Why is love so hard for most people?

From my perspective working with struggling couples, it's usually a lack of knowing what to do that allows intimacy and connection to drift silently away. What we don't know is in fact hurting our most treasured relationships.

Whether we like it or not, we do model our relationship strategies from our parents and family members. You will ultimately have about the same level of day to day joy that your parents experienced with each other, unless you figure it out or get the right help.

Most people struggle. I was one of them until I finally figured it out. I got tired of the stress and strain. Maybe you are tired too.

Here's what you need to know that will help right away:

1. Tell Yourself the Truth -- Are you bitter, feeling angry, hurt or carrying resentment towards your spouse? If you are, any of those things will prevent you from giving fully to the relationship. You may not realize it, but you are actually withholding love, compassion, understanding and the chemical energy that builds connection.

Since you are now being honest, what are you currently doing that is harmful to sustaining love and connection? The spotlight is being shined on YOU here, because things change when one person does something different.

Are you doing something that isn't supportive or helpful to keeping love and connection alive in your relationship? Unless you are perfect, we all do things from time to time that result in a disconnect with our partners. We argue, defend ourselves unnecessarily, put the relationship last behind other priorities, get self-absorbed, and unintentionally neglect our partner.

Today, stop doing anything that is hurting the feelings of connection in the relationship. (continue to page 2 of 3...)

11/23/2023 5:00:00 AM
Jeff  Forte
Written by Jeff Forte
Jeff Forte CSIC, CME author of The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle and founder of PEAK Results Coaching is an Executive and Peak Performance Coach specializing in team and relationship dynamics. His clients include Fortune 500 Executives, Business Professionals, Attorneys, Surgeons, Professional Athletes, Teams and Couples. F...
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Posted by Ben Adams
Every real MAN should read this article. Ladies, we ALL know that, by nature, men are lazy--in every way.

Indeed, share this article with your mate, your brothers, your father.
Posted by Bozita
I was only 15 and my husband 18 when we got married...Everybody said it will never work, gave us 6 mos, that was 52 yrs ago and we are still crazy about each other...We have had our ups and downs, but we always worked together to get through them, never placing the blame on one another..He is my best friend, my lover and my life..I wouldn't trade him for anything in this world...And yes he is still hot in bed LOL
Posted by Jeannie
Best thing to do. Don't get married.. A good 85% chance she will clean you out in 3-5 years now. And head for the next fool.
End of story.
Posted by Bozo4u
Kudos on a fine, thoughtful article. Thank you!
Posted by frances
What happens when we separated but still live together? He says he is not happy with the relationship anymore. Wants to be alone do his own thing and focus on himself? Is it possible to reconnect?
Posted by Ashley
I like the take 100% responsibility, it's so easy to 50% but 100% shows you really care and want it to work. Thanks Jeff!
Posted by Rachel

Nice tips Jeff, some of them I actually apply daily.

I want to share my story about how I was dating a guy who wasn't from "league", he was handsome, rich and any girl would fall in love with him. But I managed to steal his heart, with my own personality, being honest, real and not pretending to be someone else.

Of course we had our ups and downs, but one thing I learned from my marriage (yes yes we got married after 2 years of dating) is that you have to compromise. The person that is with you, doesn't actually belong to you. It's not your toy, he just shares every day of this life with you. You have to be happy that you are actually healthy, sane and alive to live this life, and also have someone else - who shares it with you.

The funny thing is that I actually learned this from him, when he got a bit sick, he was so grateful that there is someone near him (He wasn't that pride of himself guy out of my league). And I wasn't there for his beauty or anything else, I was there because I loved him how he is, that he is with me, sharing this life with me.

Compromise and love every minute of it - even when you are fighting your husband:) You are blessed to be healthy and alive!
Posted by Michelle
These are the fundamentals that are missing from primary and secondary education that could have such an impact on society and families -

It's like part of the missing manual we all need.

Thanks, Jeff. Just sent this link to someone I really care about.
Posted by Andrea
Thanks for your contribution Jeff, good stuff!
Posted by John Valenty

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