The Game of Twenty Questions

There is a game that I played with my children and I still play with my grandchildren. We call it twenty-questions but there really isn't an exact number. For us, the name signifies the rules and the rules are the key to success.

1. If you answer the question, you must be completely honest.
2. If you don't want to answer, that isn't a problem and you won't be berated or teased by anyone. You simple say: "I don't want to answer that question." No one will ever probe for the answer; not at that time or at any other time. It is forever dropped. If the person who didn't want to answer decides that it is a topic they would like to address at a later time, they may do so- the decision is theirs.
3. When someone answers a question, no one is EVER allowed to tease, correct, or lecture about the answer - this includes parents. To be clear: you never bring up the child's answer again. You don't lecture about it at a future date. You never tease about an answer. It is only because of this rule that your child feels safe to be honest and that is the purpose of this game. Your child's answers must be cherished in the same way you would cherish the confidence of your best friend.

The point of the game is to get to know one another much better. Both children and parents answer the questions. You can play it around a campfire, during family time, in the car, on the deck or patio on a summer evening, or at bedtime. Again, you don't have to ask twenty questions, you can just ask one.

Here are some possible questions:
1. What is the ugliest thing you have witnessed?
2. What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?
3. What do you daydream about?
4. How do you describe your family?
5. Name one thing you have learned to do that makes you proud.
6. Who is your best friend and why?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is one thing you would like to change about this family?
9. What is the scariest thing that has ever happened to you?
10. Who is the nicest person you know?
11. Tell me three words you would choose to describe yourself.
12. Name one thing that makes you angry.
13. What is the best compliment you have ever received?
14. If you were an animal, what would you choose to be and why?
15. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be and why?
16. What is your favorite memory of having fun?
17. If you had to have a disability what would you pick? (blindness, deafness, inability to walk) and why?
18. Name three things you like about yourself.
19. If there were three foods you never had to eat again, what would they be?
20. What do you think your friends like best about you?
21. Who is your favorite teacher? Why?
22. If a genie could give you three wishes what would you choose? Why?
23. What gives you comfort when you are sad and discouraged?
24. Is there ever a time when you were disciplined and you thought it was really unfair? What happened?
25. What are the things you have learned from my parenting that you will want to repeat when you have your own children?
26. What are the things I have done as a parent that you have promised yourself you will never do to your children?
27. What is your favorite family memory?
28. What is your worse family memory?
29. What is the kindest thing a friend has ever done for you?
30. Name two things you think we should always do as a family.
31. Do you think "honesty is the best policy"? Why?
32. What are your three favorite movies? What did you like about them?
33. Have you ever had a dream that really scared you? Tell me about it.
34. What is the most beautiful place you have ever visited?
35. How do you describe me to your friends?
36. What is the grossest thing you have ever seen?
37. Tell me three things you remember about your life before you went to school. (this can be repeated for each year of their age)
38. Do you feel close to any of your aunts, uncles, grandparents? Who and why?
39. What do you dream about the most?
40. Are there any of my friends that you dislike? Who? Why?
There are infinite questions you may ask your child. This is just a beginning. Use your own imagination. Warning: Don't use this game as a manipulation. Don't use it to pry for information. Don't use it to make a point. Don't use it to target areas that you want to teach your child. In fact, stay away from any question if you won't be able to accept a truthful answer without a lecture or lesson.

At Corner Canyon Counseling and Psychological Services all of our psychologists, counselors, and therapists are well-trained and willing to help you with your parenting needs.

You can learn more about us at www.cornercanyoncounseling.com.

We are located in Draper just 1 block east of the Bangerter Exit at 248 East 13800 South, Suite 4.

Our phone number is: 801.816.1801 and you can reach us from 9:30 - 5:30 Monday - Thursday and 9:30 - 2 on Friday. After hours, you can leave a message and your call will be returned.