Women Are Wired to Depend on Men

Attitudes may have changed since the days when husbands brought home the bacon and when wives stayed home with the kids. But it turns out deviating from conventional gender roles makes both men and women miserable.
Research by Karen Kramer and Sunjin Pak at the University of Illinois examined data on nearly 1,500 men and 1,800 women and found the more women’s paychecks increased, the more women reported symptoms of depression.

But the opposite effect was found in men: their psychological well-being was highest when they were the primary wage-earners.

This held true even for couples who had a more egalitarian view of gender roles. Modern views notwithstanding, men’s health took a hit when their earnings shrank.

The cultural response to findings like these is often the same: societal expectations regarding gender roles have been too slow to evolve. If it were considered “acceptable” for men to take care of the kids while women brought home the paycheck, or so the thinking goes, there would be no issue. Thus, no depression.

But study after study after study after study after study proves otherwise.

In fact, it is feminist ideals, not domestic duties, that make women unhappy. Wives are wired to depend on men and thus tend to be unhappy when they cannot do so. This is true even for women who are economically independent. What matters most is knowing they can depend on a man, even if they don’t technically need to. Men and women simply change when they have children. A woman’s first instinct upon giving birth is to provide for her child physically and emotionally, whereas a man’s first instinct is to protect and to provide for that child.

A woman’s identity and sense of well-being is inextricably linked to her relationships, whereas a man’s identity and sense of well-being is inextricably linked to his paycheck. It stands to reason, then, that the sexes are happiest when they’re doing what they’re made to do. This approach to marriage swims with the tide, rather than against it.

That’s not to say no couple can successfully navigate a role reversal. It is only to say that it’s rare. Even in families in which both parents are employed, 70% consist of fathers who earn more than mothers.

Men and women aren’t interchangeable. They may both be capable of being breadwinners and caregivers, but that doesn’t mean they want to perform these tasks with equal fervor. And it doesn’t mean they’ll be happy if they do. That this does not hold true for every woman and every man doesn’t change the fact that what drives most women is different from what drives most men.

It’s time to stop pretending the culture is to blame for why modern marriages fail. Societal attitudes may have changed, but human nature hasn’t.

Perhaps it’s time we surrendered.

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and relationship coach known as The Feminist “Fixer.” A wife of 20 years and mother of two, Suzanne liberates women from the equality narrative and inspires them to feel secure in their femininity and courageous about finding lasting love. Suzanne’s most recent book, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage, helps bossy women learn how to become better wives. You can find Suzanne at www.thefeministfixer.com.

5/15/2019 7:00:00 AM
Suzanne Venker
Written by
Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and relationship coach known as The Feminist "Fixer". A wife of 20 years and mother of two, Suzanne liberates women from the equality narrative and inspires them to feel secure in their femininity and courageous about finding lasting love. Suzanne’s newest book, which is now availab...
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Comments
I believe it's true; we are fundamentally different. I am so thankful (yes to God) and my mother and her husband, who recently passed, that I am now retired and financially independent. I don't need a man, for nothing. My first and only husband passed away in 1995, and I've been single ever since. It's great knowing I can take my time in finding one for a companion, not because I need one for financial reasons!!! Also, to any chauvinist pigs, I was a Class A truck driver for the last 10 years of my working years, and left it with a spotless driving record aside from being run into a few time. Too often women act as if they have to 'ask' their 'daddy' for permission for anything they do. It's too dependent and kind of sickening. Women should learn to live their own lives.
Posted by Pat
This article is complete bullshit. I can't even describe how angry it makes me.
Posted by Dana
Well like it or not woman was created from man to be mans mate and helper. Man was to be head of his family to support his family and his beloved wife who was and is to come first with respect and love.
This does not degrade a woman in anyway shape or form. Woman and Man were put here to be married, populate, and to love one another and to be there for each other and help one another.
We have lost our ways this day and age our left wing liberals do not want unity nor family they want diversion between the sexes. Like it or not this is a fact.
God created the Heavens and Earth and Man and Woman.
Posted by Dr Dennis Davis
What a load of BULLSHIT this is.... derived from inadequate males' wet dream of how to justify their oppression and dominance of the female.. Women are more competent and more gifted and it's the male who is dependent on the female to be prove their worth but making the female diminish her abilities so he looks good. BS from beginning to end
Posted by maher
"A woman’s identity and sense of well-being is inextricably linked to her relationships,"

You must be joking? What year is this? Have you any idea how many women's identity and sense of well-being are destroyed by the men in their lives? The proof that women do very well without men is how many women live autonomous and satisfying lives after the death of their men, while many men die soon after the death of their wives. This author is living in the past and wants to keep women dependent on men emotionally.
Posted by Czerny
Have you heard of alimony?

if women didn't depend on us - we wouldn't have to pay for them even when we aren't with them anymore..
Posted by shane
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