Why Don't More People Do Premarital Counseling?
As a relationship therapist, I find it interesting that more people don't do premarital counseling. I was thinking that perhaps people are in such a "honeymoon" phase they think to themselves:
"We don't need that...we're so in love....etc."
This might be true for the moment but what about a few years down the line when the marriage gets thrown a few curve balls? Life has a tendency to do that.
I love premarital work. It's one of the more rewarding counseling services I provide. It's fun to see couples come in so charged, excited and interested in learning about all the ways they can strengthen their relationship foundations.
It seems counterintuitive to me considering the divorce rate in this country. It's not a secret. Just wondering why more people don't invest in premarital counseling like they do in the actual nuptials. Interesting.
I'd love any thoughts on this matter. Anyone who's had it and had a good experience? Anyone who thinks it's useless? Bad experiences?
6/29/2008 7:00:00 AM
Written by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of LoveAndLifeToolbox.com, author of Therapy-At-Home Workbooks® and has a therapy practice working with individuals and couples in Marin County, CA.
She also offers video conference and phone therapy to residents of California. Lisa is a frequent consultant for the media having a...
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Comments
http://www.wellness.com/blog/20400/why-don-t-more-people-do-premarital-counseling/lisa-brookes-kift-mft
Luna - like I said in the last comment, I think most of us will attest to the fact that there are things that annoy us about our partners - and they would say the same. It's a case of "pick your battles" and work hard to shape your communication in a way that has the best chance of getting the desired effect. I think at a certain point we can benefit from accepting each other's "annoying" behavior - and consider ourselves lucky that it's not something more.
Posted by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
http://www.wellness.com/blog/20400/why-don-t-more-people-do-premarital-counseling/lisa-brookes-kift-mft
Ben - I'd say most couples do things that annoy each other. Some of it you just deal with - other things that cause more distress for the partner might be things that can be worked on if the other person is willing to try.
So that leaves us with, is the person willing to try for the sake of the relationship? Usually, some awareness of a problem in the first place is necessary to implement change. Perhaps if the irritant is communicated in a way that isn't critical but comes from more of a place of "I feel ___ when you do ___," you might see some progress.
So - snoring, exaggerating and interrupting. All 3 of those seem like things that might have solutions. The second two would likely take more work in that your partner may not even be aware that they're doing it.
Maybe if you try to address them one at at time? Good luck.
Posted by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
http://www.wellness.com/blog/20400/why-don-t-more-people-do-premarital-counseling/lisa-brookes-kift-mft
I feel like my partner's annoying traits do sometimes add-up to a problem. A few of them we've been able to talk through and even improve. But, not all.
Posted by Luna
http://www.wellness.com/blog/20400/why-don-t-more-people-do-premarital-counseling/lisa-brookes-kift-mft
Is it true that there are few if any professional solutions for dealing with annoyances?
I've heard that if something about my partner really annoys me and we talk about it, but there's no resolution as the annoyance is a stylistic issue that the person has no self-awareness to change--that we're toast?
Maybe some people can deal with snoring, some can deal with exaggerating or interrupting. But what happens when you're dealing with all three?
Any ideas there?
Posted by Ben
http://www.wellness.com/blog/20400/why-don-t-more-people-do-premarital-counseling/lisa-brookes-kift-mft
My husband and I had a great experience with pre-marital counseling. We were required to do it by our pastors that married us, which was fine with us. We definitely learned a lot from it! We entered into our marriage knowing where we needed work, we had realistic expectations of each other and our union, and really learned how to work together to make our marriage the best it can be. I agree that everyone should go through pre-marital counseling.
Posted by NatureKnows
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