Should Parents Play With Their Children?

Wow, according to a story in the Boston Globe, anthropologist David Lancy contends that parent-child play has been "virtually unheard of throughout human history" and that "American-style parent-child play is a distinct feature of wealthy developed countries - a recent byproduct of the pressure to get kids ready for the information-age economy." Lancy's point seems to be that adult-child play isn't as important to human development as its proponents make it out to be. After all, parents in other parts of the world don't interact in that way; and their children turn out fine.

That may be true, but I for one am not backing down on my contention that parents need to play with their children, starting from the time they're babies. With infants, bonding, language, and touch are involved. Americans generally are a "low-touch" society, and games like pattycake at least ensure more skin-to-skin contact. When parents play with older children, they not only serve as playmates for their kids; they also serve as role models. By taking the time to play, they demonstrate that they consider play to be important!

Of course, I do want to issue a caveat or two here. By its very definition, play should be fun and child-directed. That means if a parent is intent upon playing with a child only for the purpose of advancing her physical or mental skills, it's probably not true play. In true play, children choose what and how they want to play and the adults follow their lead.

Also: Not long ago, a young mother asked me if it was okay if she occasionally let her children play by themselves. For a few moments, I genuinely didn't understand the question. Then I realized that she was laboring under the misconception that she was somehow failing her children if she wasn't always overseeing or participating in their play. Unfortunately, it's a misconception under which many of today's parents labor.

I'm here to tell you that your child will be just fine if you let him play without your constant guidance or participation - for a lot of reasons! Among them is the fact that we want our children to grow up to be autonomous people! A child who hasn't had plenty of opportunity to be independent, self-directed, and self-sufficient isn't going to suddenly acquire such traits as an adult. Nor is the adult who never learned to play as a child going to know how to keep himself entertained. Moreover, that adult won't be able to demonstrate playfulness to his own children.

Imagine if, during your own childhood, your parents had joined you and your friends for all of your play! Then, when the horror of that subsides, remember that you don't have to involve yourself in every aspect of your child's play because other parents are doing it. Nor do you have to completely excuse yourself from your children's play just because an anthropologist says parent-child play isn't common in other parts of the world. The key, I guess, is the same as it is in so many other life situations: finding the balance!

Rae Pica
www.MovingAndLearning.com