The 7 Gratitudes of a Healthy Single Parent

Becoming a single-parent is not easy. It’s not easy for anyone in the family. To become the healthiest single-parent you can become, you might have to do some work on yourself. You owe it to your kids and your former partner to be the best co-parent you can be. One of the best ways of focusing on your growth and not the failed relationship is to count your blessings.

By growing stronger, warding off your own sadness and depression, you can show your kids and your ex-partner that you are thriving and striving to meet them at a better place. We all want divorce to be a better place for everyone.

Every morning I wake up and contemplate my gratitudes. Often it is in contradiction to how I feel, and I try to use the first moments of the day to reorient my attitude. It would be much easier to wallow in the negative, but I know the negative can rule my life. I’ve had periods where I chose to live in a down and depressed state.

Anger, on the other hand, is like emotional energy and one that I have a hard time accessing. As a bonus, if I can even be grateful for the anger in my life, perhaps I can harness some of that potential for growth as well.

7 things I keep in mind...

1. I am grateful that my kids are healthy and doing well in school and life.

2. I am grateful that my ex-wife has maintained gainful employment since the divorce.

3. I am grateful that my mom (humbling disclosure) still has an extra room that I inhabit.

4. I am grateful that I am able to maintain joy in my current job.

5. I am grateful that I have the financial help of my mom, as strained and emasculating as that is.

6. I’m grateful that I am super healthy and getting plenty of sleep.

7. I’m grateful that my creative energy is strong and my inspiration is growing.

After a relationship ends, we either come out smarter, leaner, and more optimistic, or we break and become bitter. It is through the active reframing of my life, with positive affirmations and prayers, that I am changing my attitude about my situation.

I have to repeat to myself, somedays, “Today, I have everything I need.”

I may not be close to having everything I want. But my basics (food, shelter, safety, community) are pretty well covered. I work every morning to set the proper trajectory in my life so I can see that my current state is temporary and my prospects are improving. I have to believe that.

As a powerful exercise, I keep repeating my thankfulness throughout the day. I keep appreciating what I have. I keep letting go of my expectations and ache for immediate gratifications. And I am learning, every day, to be closer to living in the moment. I can appreciate my current life, my current job, my current loneliness.

Sitting in this place, I am also learning to become more conscious, more compassionate, and more humble about what I have vs. what I want. Just for today, I will rise above it. Just for today, I will do my best to stay focused on the positive things in my life and I will contribute only positive things to my kid’s lives. I can do this, just for today.

To learn more about John McElhenney and his work with The Whole Parent, you can visit http://wholeparentbook.com or find his book Single Dad Seeks: Dating After Divorce on Amazon.