Ways to Keep Family Harmony

History itself affirms that the family is the foundation of society. It is the glue that holds together civilization itself. Block by block, it builds nations. But the most important place for family is inside each of us; it is who we are. We're living in days when the traditional family is challenged to the hilt. More than ever, parenting and nurturing roles are important and necessary. Like an orchestra, each family member is an instrument, with notes that blend the unit.


Four Ways to Stay in Family-Tune


1. Fill Your Place

My father's sudden, accidental death drove this home to me. My biological mother died when I was ten. My wonderful stepmother, my other "Mom," was my surrogate parent from the tender age of eleven.

Years later, when Dad died, the earth was yanked from beneath me. I wasn't certain, in those hours, who I was exactly, with 2 full siblings and three half-siblings. Oh, we'd never even used the 'half' term. We're extremely close.

But was Dad, father to us all, after all, the glue? In my initial shocked state, the family unit felt shattered. But hours later, when I entered Mom's house (not Dad's anymore) I heard her call, "Susie," her voice soothing as she sailed like a porpoise and gathered me into her arms. "I'm sorry about Daddy. He's with your Mama now," she whispered, tears in her eyes. I was aghast at her selflessness in that moment.

And my place in the family galvanized. I've seen family members vacate that space because some sibling, parent, or relative offended them. They were willing to abdicate their rightful position in the orchestra, creating dissonance and frailty of tone. The perception is yours. And only you can take your place. The orchestra is not quite right, a bit hollow, without you there playing your notes.

2. Play the Right Notes

We all hit sour notes in our families. All of us miss opportunities to keep the family harmony solid. One way to do that is to simply 'be there' for each other. I'll never forget failing in that role. While in my teens, with a new boyfriend, my little sister asked me to please ask Lee, my beau, go get some toothache drops. His was the only car available at the moment. Her tooth hurt. Living in a rural area with no corner seven-eleven or pharmacy, I dropped the ball, not willing to ask Lee to aid in the problem.

Looking back, I see that he would have gladly done so but at that time my insecurity prevailed. Later in the evening, an aunt came by, saw Patsy's problem and immediately drove to a neighbor's, borrowed the merciful pain reliever and administered first aid to my relieved sister. For years, I carried guilt. I've since tried to remedy that lapse. But it was a hard lesson learned about just being there.

3. Re-Tune

Forgive the out-of-tune times. Patsy, my above-mentioned sister, married a Baptist minister. Years after my unconscionable lapse of mercy, she invited me to a "special service" at their little country church. Turned out the service was to honor those SPECIAL ONES in folks' lives. Patsy stood and began speaking. "I want to honor my sister, Susie, today. She's always been there for me. Always."

She went on extolling virtues I was supposed to possess. Each word made me feel more despicable, like slithering through the floor cracks. Smiling, she presented me with the certificate bearing my name. Later, after service, I apologized again for that long ago night when she had a toothache. She looked puzzled. "I don't remember," she said, shrugging. "But I'll forgive you anyway. I only remember what a great sister you were, always validating and nurturing me." She didn't remember. I was forgiven. Wow. I felt renewed inside and out. It was re-tuning time!

4. It's Not All About Me

Family is the ultimate, universal orchestra