Divorce Related Stress: A Toxic Problem

Beyond the Bench  

A contested divorce can easily become one of the most stressful events in your life.  The reason is simple: During a marriage, the person you most likely rely upon to help you through difficult times is your spouse. During divorce, however, not only is your spouse’s shoulder likely no longer available for emotional support, but you are actually opposing your husband or wife in litigation. Such a script-flipping scenario may naturally and predictably cause any reasonable human being at least some level of increased stress.

The United States Center for Disease Control (CDC) identifies several symptoms of stress, such as fear and anxiety about the future, difficulty making decisions, loss of interest in normal activities, nightmares and recurring thoughts, anger, feelings of powerless, sleep problems, headaches, and trouble concentrating. Not surprisingly, persons undergoing a divorce often experience some or all of these symptoms. The CDC further expressly recognizes that stress may sometimes lead to depression, and increased use of alcohol and drugs.

There are multiple kinds of stress which may occur during a lengthy divorce process. In addition to general stress naturally stemming from the end of a marriage and break-up of a family unit, there may be stress from constantly having to fill out paperwork and appear in court. There may be even more stress from going out to the mailbox and seeing a big thick envelope from your attorney, possibly containing all types of opposing paperwork filled with typewritten allegations authored by your ex-spouse. There is also natural stress from the unknown as to what a judge might order on any particular issue, as well as anxiety from the ongoing cost of legal expenses and other professional fees which may be involved in the case. Of course, when children are involved, there may be even further stress and pressure from watching the effect of the litigation on the children as well.

Generally, there may be substantial stress from experiencing an overall a loss of control over one’s own life. Sometimes, the level of stress becomes so great that it can overwhelm a person like a tidal wave. For certain, stress can cause damage in many ways, it can affect your work, your relationship with others, including your children, friends and co-workers. Further, stress can lead to depression and medical issues. Studies show that people with high levels of stress are far more likely to have a heart attack than those without such levels of stress. In short, stress-inducing litigation may health-wise carry a very heavy price tag.

The CDC recommends releasing stress in positive ways, such as eating healthy, well-balanced diet, exercise, regularly, maintain a routine, and “give yourself a break.” Further, many people going through a divorce consult confidentially with a therapist or counselor during the divorce process, so that they have an outlet where they can let off steam and receive professional assistance in managing stress during the process. Some support groups are also helpful, and may provide a forum for a healthy exchange of ideas and legal information. Occasionally, people end up meeting a new friend or dating partner at a support group as well.

While these concepts are important, it is equally important to consider is that in some cases, perhaps the most efficient way to address litigation-induced stress is to end the litigation itself by settlement. Amazingly, some people go through months or even years of divorce litigation without ever agreeing to participate in a settlement conference or reasonable negotiations. Instead, they draw arbitrary lines in the sand and refuse to even consider or discuss possible resolution through compromise. Meanwhile, the stress of litigation may keep mounting to unhealthy and emotionally toxic levels.

For this reason, it is logical for persons going through a divorce to continuously and energetically persist in attempting to settle their case in a manner which is fair and reasonable to both parties, even if past efforts have been unsuccessful. While nobody should feel compelled to accept a one-sided and unfair agreement, almost every settlement requires consideration of some degree of compromise by both sidesto a dispute.

There are many reasons people settle their divorces. Reduction or termination of litigation-induced stress, is certainly a legitimate and genuine consideration, and provides a true incentive for people to reasonably conclude their legal battle in a fair manner and move forward with their lives. Conversely, a party who refuses to openly and energetically discuss settlement of a contested, either directly or through an attorney, may be contributing to added divorce-related stress upon his or her own life, in a manner which potentially compromises one’s own emotional health and welfare.