Wellness Posts by Dawn Michael

Mind Sex Brings Passion Into Your Marriage (don't avoid it)

2019-05-15T07:00:00Z

Wellness.com - Mind Sex Brings Passion Into Your Marriage (don't avoid it) by Dawn Michael

Creating Mind Sex - Mind sex is - not - about playing a game or manipulating your partner. Mind sex is mental foreplay before sex, and some men have mastered this already in their marriage while others have no idea what it is. The men that have mastered mind sex in a marriage are those guys whose wives just can't seem to keep their hands off them. Well at least once in a while, that is. We do see this in married couples though, where you can tell that the couple just has that great sexual chemistry about them, resulting in intimacy in their marriage. One of the secrets is that women need to be able to want and desire their husbands, and if a husband can tap into a woman's mind on this level he can begin to spark the natural fire and passion within her. This does not require that much work from a husband, but it does need to be consistent and done in the right way and over a short period of time. Bring passion back into your marriage - 1. Start out slow and draw her in with words that make her feel sexy. You can start by doing this once or twice a day, you can tell her, text her, e-mail her, all of that works. Now here is the rule, you have to speak to her in a way that a woman would want to hear! Examples: "You look sexy in that dress," "your eyes are beautiful and sexy," "the way your body moves in that skirt is so sensual." These are starter words and you can add to them. Do this for a few days to get your wife's mind cooking, so to speak. (for women who are reading this, you can do your job too by allowing these words to pique your interest).

Men's Sexual Health Issues and Where to Go For Help

2011-02-23T12:36:10Z

Wellness.com - Men's Sexual Health Issues and Where to Go For Help by Dawn Michael

Men are very tied into how their sexual health may affect their everyday lives. When a problem happens with a man¡s libido, erectile dysfunction, anxiety around sexual perform it can rain havoc on their lives.

These problems may vary but usually include:
Lack of Desire
Decreased Pleasure
Problems with Orgasm
Excessive Masturbation
Erectile Dysfunction Issues
Prostate Health
Rapid or Delayed Ejaculation
Ejaculate Issues
Penis and Testicular Health
Medications and Supplements
Contraception
Body Image

When one of these problems arises most men don¡t know who to turn to get help for a sexual dysfunction or sexual health related issues. The World Health Organization (WHO) defines sexual health as "the state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality. Sexual health requires a positive, respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships...

The best place to start if you are a man experiencing diminished sexual health is with a medical doctor to rule out any serious health issues. After a man has an exam and it is determined that he is in good health then the dysfunction may be due to more of a psychology issue. More often than not a man will seek out a therapist, psychologies or even a psychiatrist. Many times they will go to therapy for a time and realize that it is not working or that it is only partially working but they need advice on solutions for the problems not therapy. This is when a man should seek out a sex counselor or sex coach who is a person who understands sexual dysfunction and can give them the tools and education to fix the problem. Sex counseling is usually a shot lived process where it is based on resolution rather than therapy, acceptance and practical tools and techniques to fix the sexual dysfunction.

The never ending circle of anxiety and erectile dysfunction

2011-02-08T10:42:55Z

Wellness.com - The never ending circle of anxiety and erectile dysfunction by Dawn Michael

Erectile dysfunction is a problem that can develop as a result of performance anxiety or it can also be the initial cause and then create performance anxiety. Isolated episodes of not getting an erection or of losing an erection at an inopportune time are extremely common but for some men can trigger the fear of not getting an erection causing them now to have anxiety surrounding the issue. Such isolated episodes of losing an erection do not mean that a man has a sexual dysfunction. They may occur as a result of a temporary physical stress (getting sick, too much alcohol or drug use, even overeating and rapid weight gain), or it may be relate to other problems like anxiety with a new partner, problems ejaculating to quickly, lack of confidence with sexual performance. When a man can understand that this may be normal or just happen for a short period of time, then he won't have the anxiety that surrounds it or what we call the never ending circle of anxiety.

The fear of sexual performance is likely to put a damper on sexual arousal and be the cause of a loss of erection or even raid ejaculation. Eventually the fears become so intense that they will become the never ending circle of anxiety, then lack of control. Over time performance fears may lead to an avoidance of sex, loss of self-esteem and even loss of desire.

Understanding that erectile dysfunction can happen to any man at any time is an important factor in normalizing the experience and knowing that with guidance a man can overcome the endless circle of anxiety. In some men the anxiety itself triggers an ejaculation that can even happen when the penis is not fully erect. For a man to overcome his anxiety around the erectile dysfunction can be a positive start to ending the cycle of anxiety.

There are a few ways to get help with this problem; one is to seek the help of a sex coach or counselor to help the man visual the outcome of not being anxious and working through those thoughts and anxiety. This can also be coupled with hypnosis, and suggestive messages to calm the mind before the anxiety start. The last bit of information is if in a relationship, a sex counselor can help the couple to work on the situation together having the partner relieve the man of the anxiety and take the pressure off, so that the focus is not on intercourse but just getting comfortable again with the control of his erection.

How to talk about sexual health problems, dealing with shame and where to get help

2011-02-01T17:15:32Z

Wellness.com - How to talk about sexual health problems, dealing with shame and where to get help by Dawn Michael

When a person has sexual problems it is usually associated with a sense of deep shame that an individual would been caring around for years. Having the strength to open up to a professional about this is one of the hardest things to do. Human Sexuality is not something that can be looked at in just a clinic way, there are so many aspects when it comes to helping another person that may experience problems with their sex life, sexual addiction, a fetish or just feeling shame around who they are. Many times the labels alone that a person may put on themselves are not even accurate and again it is a label and not always what the problem may be. Too often a person who has a sexual issue may try to open up, but get shut down by another person that is not able to understand what they are experiencing or cannot relate to what they have heard. This is why when a person does open up about a sexual problem it is very courageous to be willing to share that part of their lives with another person.

How does a person find the courage to talk about a sexual problem and where do they go for help?

The best method and probably the easiest way now a days for a person to get help for a sexual problem is through a live chat with a professional and that is because it is a way to open up and not be seen in person. This seems to be one of the fastest growing areas of counseling that have had a positive trend in the past decade. This enables a person to seek help for their problems, and still remain anonymous through live chat. The phone revolutionized this many years back with counseling so that it was not face to face, but even hearing another person's voice can still be intimating, where as chatting is less intimating. This is not to say that there are some risks involved as well as finding a good counselor is one. The other advantage is with live chat a person can do a short chat session to get the feel of the counselor, doctor, or therapist to know if that may be someone that they could work with or not.

When a person does have a sexual issue and wants to get help, one of the best ways to approach the issues is to get educated on it and ask the sex therapist questions, so that they understand what the issues may be and this makes it easier. Many times just getting the answers to a few questions can even help to normalize a sexual dilemma and make it possible to understand that it may not be a problem at all. Many people whose do label themselves with sexual problems can come to realize that they are not as uncommon as they may think and that by talking to someone about them it can help them to accept whatever difficulty they may be having. One of the biggest grey areas in sex therapy is a therapists own level of comfort with an individual and being able to help them to the best of their abilities. The client who seeks help many times may view their own sexual behavior as abnormal, but come to realize in speaking with a therapist that what they are feeling or thinking is "normal". This of course is the gray area and that is even in the word "normal". This is why there are so many different types of sexual disorders and issues that so many people have and that is trying to fit into a society where there ideas of sex is "normal".

The continued debate on women using testosterone to boost their sex drive

2011-01-17T10:51:13Z

Wellness.com - The continued debate on women using testosterone to boost their sex drive by Dawn Michael

Most people understand that male sexuality is related to testosterone. When a man is feeling a low sex drive testosterone levels is one of the first tests that a doctor may run or even prescribe testosterone replacement. This of course is not the same when a woman expresses loss of sexual drive and in fact it is common knowledge that almost all doctors will not even mention that a woman could be low in testosterone levels and this is why she is not feeling any desire. Many women experience feelings of loss of sexual desire shortly before, during or after menopause. Too often these women are given only estrogen and progesterone but not testosterone therapy. When they continue to experience these feelings of diminished sexuality, women are sometimes usually advised to seek out psychological help. This is not to say that psychological help or more so help from a sexologist would not be a more appropriate solution, actually both may help. Woman as we know are more emotionally tied into the feelings of desire, meaning that they need to have desire and then arousal. The boost in testosterone for a woman could very well trigger the feelings of desire or as they would say for a man sexual urges. The added testosterone is all a woman may need to get the urge of sexual desire back. Even though the female body produces only one-tenth of the amount of testosterone that a males body does, that one-tenth has a tremendous impact on a woman's desire to want to have sex.

There are other ways that a woman can promote desire without the use of testosterone, but if she is indeed not getting the level of testosterone that her body does require, then it is going to be all that more difficult for her to get her engines going.

This is why hormone replacement therapy with only estrogen and progesterone that most doctors recommend is not sufficient in some cases (though they are very important as well). Estrogen does have a small role, in that it aids in the production of vaginal lubricants, which decrease after menopause. However, the sex drive itself is almost entirely fueled by testosterone. Any woman who is hoping to regain her sense of being a sexy and vibrant woman should seek out a hormone specialist who understands the role of testosterone on female sexuality. Along with the added benefits of the testosterone, a woman in her fifties can once again have the benefit of desire back in her life.

The one negative aspect about testosterone without the help from a sexologist along with a hormone doctor, is that many times when the desire does hit a woman she still may not be quite sure how to channel the sexual desire into her relationship and may still have problems with orgasm. For women that are younger and testosterone replacement is the not the problem for lack of desire and they emotionally have lost their sexual desire, then going to see a professional sexologist would be the best solution.

The link between the hormone oxytocin and female orgasm, bonding and attachment

2011-01-09T07:51:03Z

Wellness.com - The link between the hormone oxytocin and female orgasm, bonding and attachment by Dawn Michael

When we can look at a woman's sexual health from the perspective that her body can naturally secret a very powerful hormone called oxytocin when she gets aroused and is brought to climax, then it would make sense to maintain a healthy sex life. Oxytocin is often referred to as the love hormone because of the extensive studies done surrounding nipple stimulation and let down of milk when a woman is nursing a child promoting the bond between mother and child. This same hormone is also released while a woman is giving birth. The effect of the release of oxytocin is to promote attachment and cause and overall feeling of calmness. These are some of the same feeling that a woman may experience after orgasm and that is the calming effect and an even strong attachment to her partner especially when that partner is a spouse or in a long term committed relationship.

Oxytocin releases when the womb contracts and when the woman's nipples are stimulated, all of this has been studied in association with birth and breast feeding. Oxytocin is one of the artificial drugs given to women to speed up labor and to get the cervix to dilate. In order to duplicate the hormone and create an artificial drug Oxytocin (Syntocinon) was developed by Vincent du Vigneaud. It was first synthesized in 1953. Oxytocin is a natural hormone secreted and stored by the posterior pituitary gland.

Oxytocin is also released into the blood during many types of touching; including cuddling, hugging, kissing, orgasm, sex and snuggling. The physical effects of oxytocin include increased sensitivity of nerve endings, stimulated muscle contractions, increased heart rate plus the desire to touch and be touched. The emotional feelings that the release of oxytocin produces are the feeling of bonding, attachment and even the calming afterglow from orgasm and sex.

The bonding that oxytocin promotes in women is said to be "designed to encourage people to stay together".

Both men and women feel the effects of oxytocin but to a different degree, a man is said to release oxytocin during climax, but a woman may feel the release of oxytocin during the arousal phase and then continued release with each orgasm. Women's brains also have more oxytocin neural receptors, and pregnancy may increase the number of receptors. This is one reasons why women may feel the need to cuddle after sex and feel more of an attachment to her partner, or even if it is a casual sexual encounter.

The most wonderful aspect about the release of oxytocin especially for women, is that she can experience this through self stimulation, as a way to help her boost her sexual desire when she may have been experiencing loss of desire in her marriage. Continued self pleasuring will help to begin to release the hormone and then have the desired effect of wanting to be close to her spouse again. Women should understand that by self pleasuring it promotes more attachment and desire" and by not having sex or self pleasuring, it will actually decrease her desire. So when a woman is feeling a low sex drive one of the best ways to boost it and release oxytocin is through self pleasuring. Then she can share this desire with her spouse to promote a more healthy sex life and stronger bond with her husband or partner.

Will this marriage survive perimenopause with my wife and or sex life

2010-12-16T15:03:09Z

Wellness.com - Will this marriage survive perimenopause with my wife and or sex life by Dawn Michael

How your wife's perimenopause can affect her marriage

Doctor Oz had a show on perimenopause and the effect that it had on a woman's body and brain. In the show he gave and example of what the hormones are doing inside a woman's brain and how they are exploding at different rates and patterns.

For those of us who are not as familiar with the term perimenopause, it is what happens to a woman in her thirties and forties before she reaches menopause. For some women it can be very unsettling not knowing what is going on with their bodies, moods, menstrual cycle and libido. Some women experience slight perimenopause and others have extreme perimenopause symptoms. This can also explain the erratic mood swings and heighten arousal along with no sex drive at all.

Symptoms of perimenopause

The mayo clinic gave a list of symptoms of perimenopause

Menstrual irregularity. As ovulation becomes more erratic, the intervals between periods may be longer or shorter, the flow may be less or more, and you may skip some periods. There may also be periods between cycles.

Hot flashes. About 65 to 75 percent of women experience hot flashes, most commonly during late perimenopause.

Sleep problems. Sleep problems as Dr.Oz stated in his program in perimenopause, may be trouble falling asleep, whereas in menopause it would be problems waking up during the night from hot flashes.

Mood changes.Some women experience mood swings, irritability or increased risk of depression during perimenopause, but the cause of these symptoms may be sleep disruption caused by not getting enough sleep. Mood changes may also be caused by factors not related to the hormonal changes of perimenopause. One other note is that a woman's mood may become more intense before menstruation.

Vaginal and bladder problems.When estrogen levels diminish, your vaginal tissues may lose lubrication and elasticity, making intercourse painful. Low estrogen levels may also leave you more vulnerable to urinary or vaginal infections. Loss of tissue tone may contribute to urinary incontinence.

Decreasing fertility. As ovulation becomes irregular, the ability to conceive decreases. However, as long as periods are present, pregnancy remains a possibility.

Changes in sexual function. During perimenopause, arousal and desire may change. But for most women who had satisfactory intimacy before menopause, this will continue through perimenopause and beyond.

Loss of bone. With declining estrogen levels, you start to lose bone more quickly than you replace it, increasing your risk of osteoporosis.

Changing cholesterol levels.Declining estrogen levels may lead to unfavorable changes in your blood cholesterol levels, including an increase in low-density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol - the "bad" cholesterol - which contributes to an increased risk of heart disease. At the same time, high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol - the "good" cholesterol - decreases in many women as they age, which also increases the risk of heart disease.

With the list of symptoms of Premenopausal we can see how it may affect a woman and her sex drive in the marriage. A woman going through perimenopause may feel like at times her mind has become scrambled eggs. She knows that she is not in menopause because she is still menstruating but may have some of the symptoms of menopause.

The one topic that many doctors do not expand on is that the hormones become erratic causing a woman in her forties to have increased and decreased levels of female estrogen, progesterone and testosterone increasing her libido at times and decreasing her libido at times. This gives a new meaning to the old saying of "Mrs. Robinson" or "cougars", especially when a woman has moments in her menstrual cycle where her hormones make her feel like a teenage boy and at other times like a nun.

The one good aspect about a woman in her forties is that she does have the wisdom of how her body works and in the times of increased libido she can use it to her advantage with her spouse, bringing love making to a whole new height of passion.

Not all women go thorough extreme perimenopause, but for those women that do, it is a very real hormonal fluctuation and knowing that they are not going crazy at times is a big relief. For husbands who wives may be experiencing some strange behavior in their forties, this is most likely the reason why.

For a man and women to understand that perimenopause is very real and that it may have an adverse affect on the marriage at times it can also have a positive advantage on the marriage at times. The good part is that perimenopause is not permanent and eventually it will go away and lead into menopause which for some may be a bumpier ride or a breeze. While a woman is in her forties and if experiencing the "teenage hormones" why not take advantage of it and have a little fun in the bedroom.

Do you Leave Your Wife If She Gained 100 Pounds Of Weight

2010-12-11T14:08:57Z

Wellness.com - Do you Leave Your Wife If She Gained 100 Pounds Of Weight by Dawn Michael

Being overweight is a very hot topic now, and spouses that have gained 100 pounds or more are steadily on the rise. When your spouse puts on a dramatic amount of weight it will affect a marriage. I am not talking about 20 pounds or so, I am saying if your spouse gained a 100 pounds wound you leave the marriage?

The answer to this question is, if a person gains 100 pounds they are considered morbidly obese and that is not acceptable from a health stand point. This in itself is a huge problem in a marriage because of possible health complications, let alone social stigma. The fact remains that when a person gains an extreme amount of weight, they look different, act different, smell different and behave different. This is a huge problem in a marriage no matter how much you love that person. When a person gains that much weight they have a serious problem and it needs to be addressed.

Slight weight gain in a marriage over time is normal, most couples will put on between ten and twenty pounds as they get older in a marriage, but 100 pounds is excessive. When weight becomes a problem for the other spouse it is time to take action. Excess weight can damage a relationship and destroy a family. When a spouse is overweight it puts the entire family at risk for diabetes, heart attack, high cholesterol, cancer and other weight related issues. It is a problem and should be dealt with and not pushed aside and blame the other spouse for not loving them. To let them be as they are avoiding the problem, is not loving them, the other spouse needs to help them get healthy and not accept the weight gain.

Moral Obligation
It is a moral obligation to look nice for your spouse, it is not acceptable to get married and let yourself go, and this is unfair and unjust in a marriage.

When two people marry they marry in sickness and in health and unless the weight gain is brought on by sickness then there is no excuse. A marriage is not a place to throw in the towel and not care about how one looks or their health. Health is so important especially when kids are involved a morbidly obese parent sets an example to a child and that child is in danger of being obese as well. Should you leave your spouse "no", but what you should do is help your spouse, encourage them to get help, that is what being married is all about!

Should I tell my wife that I had a one night stand or keep it to myself?

2010-12-07T12:42:17Z

Wellness.com - Should I tell my wife that I had a one night stand or keep it to myself? by Dawn Michael

As a marriage counselor and sexologist I have been asked this question on more than one occasion. This is not always an easy question to answer, but one that I have answered and continue to answer since it seems to be a topic of discussion. The true problem with this question is that it is entirely too vague and there really is no true moral answer but I have created a list to at least help a man who is undecided on what to do.

These are all yes and no answers
1. Was it a one night stand?
2. Did you wear a condom?
3. Do you have remorse over the situation?
4. Have you gone to the doctor to double check for any diseases or HIV?
5. Are you willing to work on the marriage so that this does not happen again?
6. Your wife does not know this person nor has any association with her?
7. You are positive that you could not have gotten her pregnant?
8. You are positive that she cannot get a hold of you nor has your telephone number or address?

I you answered NO to any of these questions you should let your spouse know what you did, if you answered YES to all of these questions, and were truthful, then I would recommend keeping it to yourself. As I states this is my opinion and my recommendation and the reason that I have put the above questions are for the protection of the wife in every regard, by telling his wife it will hurt her and may end the marriage, but clearly the choice is yours. You are the one who committed the act and it will be your burden to bear!

The most asked question by men, is if their penis is large enough and fat enough

2010-11-22T19:32:42Z

Wellness.com - The most asked question by men, is if their penis is large enough and fat enough by Dawn Michael

Most women do not realize that a man is very much tied to his penis literally and figuratively. When his penis is not working properly it can affect his personality and self esteem. The truth of the matter is that most women do not care how large or fat a penis is but how confident a man is about using his penis. In technical terms the average depth of a woman vagina before having a child is 3 inches in depth and 4 inches after birth. The average size of a man penis is between 6-7 inches in length and the average girth is around 5.50, which is big enough for a woman's vagina and any bigger is actually a problem in any other areas of a woman's body.

Many men may feel as though they want to extend their penis or add girth to it and some even go to the extreme of trying to stretch the penis which in most cases backfires completely. There are a few things that a man can do to increase his girth and length. The very best thing that a man can do is kegal exercises, this may sound ridiculous, but when a man is erect her can build strength to his muscles around his penis by exercising the kegal muscle, squeeze the buttocks together and release, doing this will strengthen the muscle in the surrounding area giving the penis a strong base and a higher stance, the exercise will also increase the intensity of orgasm.
The next thing a man can do is lose the belly fat, when a man gains weight in his belly; it will take size off of his penis. The fat pockets surrounding the penis will grow and the length of the penis will appear shorter and it will be shorten unless she can press down past the fat tissue. A firm lean belly will elongate a man's penis and is much sexier than a big bear belly and man boobs.
The last thing a man can do is wear a penis extender, this will add length and girth to his penis. There are tones of penis extenders to choose from and one great advantage about a penis extender is that they can come with vibrators to add extra pleasure to both involved and they can have added nubs attached to them to make her climax even better. Penis extenders come in many different lengths and sizes, to add extra pleasure for her and extra vibration for you.