How To Deal With Emotionally Unavailable Men
Many women who come to me are either perpetually single or are deep in emotional entanglements with seemingly emotionally unavailable men or EUM, as we call them in our community, one after another.
Upon talking to them and hearing their stories and their refusal to listen to my advice at times, I’d just tell them point blank that it’s not that the guys they are attracted to are emotionally unavailable, but that first and foremost they aren’t aware of their own blind spot which is that they’re actually emotionally unavailable themselves!
They can’t lean back or be in the receptive mode because that means losing control of how and how fast the relationship should unravel. They want to call the shots and run the show and being the pursuer, in their unconscious mind, assures that role.
And of course the men they’re attracted to are red-blooded masculine men who aren’t really seduced by pushy, assertive women. They might be intrigued at first but sooner or later the constant leaning forward dampens their attraction.
And they will always complain, “Why do I always attract men whom I’m not attracted to?”
Or “Why do only men I’m not attracted to pursue me?”
At first, the reasons they’re not attracted to these men who pursue them seem genuinely reasonable, but over time it’s just obvious they’re not attracted to these men because they have to be receptive and vulnerable while with guys who are lukewarm they have to put in the effort (though still with very tepid or no results at all). They want what they can’t get which is basic human nature.
The truth is, if you are emotionally available the chance of you being single for the rest of your life is slim to none. Part of being emotionally unavailable is having unrealistic expectations. And if you always find reasons not to give a guy who pursues you a chance, very likely you are an emotionally unavailable woman yourself. Being perpetually picky is a way to mask your emotional unavailability.
Being an emotionally available high-value feminine woman who is not reactive ALWAYS works in the end. For ALL women. And I mean it. And that is what my method is, in a nutshell. It's not about strategy but it's about raising to the level of frequency in which not attracting quality men will be impossible. It's like water always goes for a lower plane, being an emotionally healthy person always attracts relationships.
This is as exact as science.
Those who say otherwise haven't experienced it first hand and they will if they change their mindset and stop being so stubborn and resistant. So instead of chasing one EUM after another, practice being receptive instead. Practice surrendering to your feminine energy. Stop focusing on men and what they do or don’t do and what they should do to make you happy.
A man will do what he wants to do. Nothing you say will stop him from doing what he wants to do if that's really what he wants to do. Worrying, getting upset and being jealous won't change a thing and it will only make you unhappy and make him pull away and you more unhappy. It's a waste of time and energy. Accepting this gets you half-way towards a harmonious relationship with a man and freedom for you because you can then just let go of one of the most ineffective approaches to dealing with men.
Many men are so used to women being controlling and they shy away from that kind of woman. It's just too much work for them. If he sees you less and less, that probably has to do with it. There are better ways of getting what you want with a man. Lure him with honey, not vinegar.
And your EUM might actually not be emotionally unavailable after all. He only acts emotionally unavailable because you come on too strong to him. You don’t feel feminine enough for him. Your masculine energy collides with his. There can’t be two feminine or masculine energies in romantic relationships because the sameness will not ignite any spark, just like two positive or negative poles will repel each other.
So polarize yourself if you want to change his emotionally unavailable ways.
